“I know, you’re right. It’s just hard.”
“Maybe it’ll be easier once he has a solid schedule, because then you can plan around it. So when he’s travelling, that’s when you do the bulk of your hours.”
I nodded. “I had thought about that. And I’ll try now he’s going back on the road, but it won’t always work because sometimes cases will come in that I can’t drop.”
“It’s not like their job doesn’t have grueling hours too, so he should understand. And his job isn’t more important than yours is.”
I managed a weak smile. “No, I know, but that doesn’t make it easier when we’re hardly seeing each other in the first place.”
“Do you think perhaps you’re thinking about this too much and worrying about something that might not happen?”
“Maybe. I guess it’s just a big change, and I don’t want to fuck it up.”
Freddie grinned at me. “Come on, if anyone is going to fuck it up, it’s bound to be him.”
I laughed, feeling better. Freddie always had a way of lightening any situation. Emerson smacked her playfully.
“Has he talked to you about this foundation idea he and Drew have been cooking up?”
I shook my head. “No, what foundation?”
“Drew mentioned it to me the other day. They’d been discussing what they’d do when they retired.”
My heart felt closer to the surface than it normally did, taking up the space in my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs. The gaps between my bones and my organs was filled with envy, thick and ugly and cloying. Envy that Emerson and Drew saw each other enough that he filled her in on his day, and not just the things he remembered to when he saw her right before they got into bed. And not having time to tell me was almost worse than not wanting to tell me.
“What? They’re retiring?”
She was so casual with her head shake, whereas I was still actively remembering how to breathe. “I don’t think so. Maybe Jasper’s last game got them thinking.”
Jasper’s final game. Wow. That had to be coming up soon. With too many of the key players off this season, it didn’t look like they’d be making the playoffs this year, especially after thespectacular loss last night against Detroit. Sometimes I was glad I couldn’t watch the games live, even speaking to Felix last night had been so hard hearing the disappointment in his voice. And I never wanted that disappointment directed at me.
I looked at Wolf. “How’s Jas feeling about that?”
Her smile was a combination of pride and reticence. “Mixed I think, but he’s been quiet about it recently. He’s excited about coaching and doing something new, but it’s always hard when you leave behind something you love. However, he’s feeling the hits more, especially since Florence arrived. And he wants to be around. He hates leaving her.”
That pretty much summed up my sentiment. And it was confusing. Change was never the easiest pill to swallow.
“What’ve you guys got planned for the rest of the day?”
“We’re going to look at Emerson’s studio, then we’re making Murray take us all for lunch, even though he doesn’t know about that yet.” Freddie laughed.
“That sounds fun. When’s it going to open? I really need to do some exercise.”
Emerson’s eyes lit up. “Not until the summer. The building work has only just started.”
We all turned at the knock on the door.
“Come in.”
One of the senior nurses peered around the edge. “Sorry to disturb you Doctor Marks, I’m collecting the paperwork from your desk.”
“Oh, yes, it’s there in my out-tray.” I pointed over to where I’d left it.
“Thank you.” She picked it up, closing the door behind her as she walked out.
Wolfie looked at the time on her phone. “We should probably head off too, before the little madam wakes up.” She nodded to Florence who was sleeping peacefully.
We all stood up together and I collected the empty coffee cups as I did, throwing them in the trash.
