“Me too.” I let out a long breath, my lip wobbling a little.
I really had thought this time would be different. That I’d found someone who I could picture a future with.
But I’d been wrong.
My eyes stung sharply, and the tears I’d been waiting for all evening finally began to flow.
Chapter Nineteen
Owen
I hadn’t wantedto go swimming that morning, but Dad had thrown me out of the house as soon as I’d gotten out of bed, telling me he hoped the cold water would shock some sense into me.
“Go and get yer head out yer arse, boy,” he’d said as he practically shoved me out the door. “Maybe then you’ll realise what a mess you’ve made.”
“I already know that,” I’d said sadly.
“Then maybe you’ll work out how to fix it.”
As predicted, Dad had not been impressed with my antics. I hadn’t planned on telling him about everything with Darcy, but it had all come spilling out as soon as I’d walked back in the door without him. I’d even told him about my whirlwind marriage and divorce, and my realisation that I always left somewhere before I felt the emotional shockwaves of my decisions. Except this time, I’d gotten a firsthand look at the fallout from my selfishness.
And it had left me reeling in a way I’d never been prepared for.
Dad hadn’t yelled, that had never been his style, but I’d never seen him look at me with so much stunned disbelief at my behaviour. His damning statement of, “Christ, you’ve properly fucked it, haven’t you?” was probably the best way I’d heard of summing the whole thing up.
I’d thought about trying to defend myself and justify my actions, but I hadn’t fancied digging myself any deeper into the hole I was already standing in. Saying anything else would have been like handing myself the keys to an excavator so I could dig faster.
The cold water wasn’t really providing any more clarity—mostly because I’d been awake until three in morning, mentally taking my entire life apart at the seams—but it was helping to distract me. For a while, all I had to focus on was moving one arm, then the other, my legs keeping up something vaguely like a solid rhythm of kicks.
I wasn’t going anywhere fast but that didn’t matter. I just needed to keep moving and hope some magical solution to my fuckery found its way into my brain.
The obvious solution was talking to Darcy, apologising, and hoping we’d find a way back to each other. Fuck, he didn’t even have to forgive me. I didn’t know if I would if I was in his shoes. But if I could apologise, maybe we could both move on and find some peace.
I didn’t know if he’d want to see me though. And I was so much of a coward my brain was already trying to convince me the best thing for both of us would be for me to leave and never come back.
Fuck, I really was a piece of shit.
I turned to head back towards the shore, lifting my head in the vague hope I might see my beautiful angel waiting for me on the front. But there was no sight of him.
Why would there be? I didn’t deserve him.
There were two other figures stood on the beach though, and as I got closer, my stomach clenched as I realised exactly who it was: Alfie and Milo.
For a second I debated staying in the water and swimming out to sea, because I knew they were not going to be fun to deal with. And I didn’t totally trust Milo not to summon a secret army of seagulls to beat the ever-loving shit out of me.
But if I really wanted to change and take responsibility for my actions, I had to face them and listen to whatever they had to say. Maybe if I was lucky, they’d help me figure out how to talk to Darcy or at least convince him to give me a chance.
My feet touched the sand and I stood, slowly wading out of the water towards them. The sky was grey and overcast, and there was very little in the way of light, but I could still see the expressions on their faces.
If looks could’ve killed, I’d already be dead.
Milo was angry, I could feel it seething out of every pore even from a distance. That was something I’d expected although it still wasn’t pleasant. But Alfie’s look was worse. There was a coldness to it that almost frightened me, gazing at me like I was nothing. Not even a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe.
If I’d had a tail, it would’ve been tucked firmly between my legs.
“Oi,” Milo said sharply, beckoning to me with an outstretched hand. “We want a word with you.”
I nodded, wondering if there was anything I could say that would make this better.
