“Are you seriously telling me that there is no future for us?” he whispers with devastation in his eyes. “Because I need to know, Maya. I need you to be honest with me.”
My throat closes up as I watch the agony grow on his face. “I-I don’t know, Finn. I just need more time. You’ll always have a special place in my heart, but god, I’m terrified of being in that position again.”
“Okay,” he says as he lowers his head and wipes his eyes. “You need more time, fine. But I am not giving up on this. I am not giving up on you or our beautiful girl because you are my everything. I made mistakes in the past, but that doesn’t mean I’ll make them again. I’ve learnt my lessons the hard way, and I wouldn’t dream of hurting you like that again.”
A small sob crawls up my throat, and I try my hardest to push it away, but it’s too late. Finn raises his eyes to mine, and we’re both crying—so much pain, so much history, so muchfeeling.
“We need to work through this as parents first,” I croak. “Before we let our feelings get involved again.”
He purses his tear-stained lips. “My feelings are already involved. They’re not just going to go away.”
“I’m sorry,” I sniffle. “Maybe I’ve been giving you mixed signals, and that’s my fault. I shouldn’t have told you to sleep in my bed, or to kiss you, or have sex. It’s messing with our heads, and we shouldn’t have done it.”
“I don’t regret it.” Finn’s voice cracks. “I regret nothing good with you when you make me feel everything.”
I blow out a broken whimper. “I’m not saying it’s done,” I murmur. “But we need more time as a family before we havetime as a couple again. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
He nods slowly. “Unfortunately, yeah. Even if it tears me apart.”
Me too.But I know it’s for the best.
“We need to do this for Skye,” I tremble. “I’m still learning as a mother, you’re still learning as a father. It’s already an intense and overwhelming time, do we really want to add a relationship into the mix when we’re still trying to figure this out?”
Finn’s jaw clenches. “I get it.”
My heart is still wounded, and every day is a step closer to it being healed, but a few months doesn’t prove anything. I need more because I won’t survive watching him walk out for a second time.
Finn takes two steps until he wraps his arms around me. I press my cheek into his chest and exhale a shaky breath as I lay my palms flat to his bare back. It’s comforting and confusing all at once.
He pulls away a few seconds later and wipes his face again. “Uh…you should get ready for class.”
I internally weep at his words. We had an incredible morning together, and now it’s ending like this. It’s my fault for asking him to touch me in the first place, for enabling it when I knew our feelings would be involved.
“Okay.” I wrap my arms around myself once more.
After taking another shower and throwing on fresh clothes, I grab my things and toss them into my bag. Finn is sitting on the sofa without the TV on. He’s just staring blankly with red eyes, and it feels like I’ve been hit by a bus.
“Are you okay?” I ask hesitantly.
“Yeah,” he whispers vacantly. “I’ll be fine.”
But it’s obvious that he’s not fine, and I despise myself for hurting him.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go,” I state.
He glances at me and shakes his head. “I’m fine. Promise. You need to go to your classes.”
A wave of uncertainty floats through my chest. Not because I think he’s going to go out and grab a bottle of something from the shop, but because he’s spiralling, and doing it alone is a painful experience.
“Finn—”
“I’ll see you later, Maya,” he says as he stands and walks into my bedroom, where he retrieves an awakened Skye.
I watch them as he sits down on the floor and holds her in his arms. She stares up at her dad and gives him big, beautiful eyes and a sweet as hell pout. He doesn’t take his gaze off her as he strokes her cheek with the back of his finger.
“Can we talk later?” I say as I shift from foot to foot.
Finn finally looks at me and forces a smile. “Sure.”
