I stare back at JJ with glassy eyes as he grips my wrist and gives it a squeeze. “You’ve got this, brother,” he says with a sincere smile. “I have so much love for you.”
“Love you too,” I laugh as a tear rolls down my cheek.
I’m quick to wipe it away before our breakfast arrives, and the second my eyes lay on the full English before me, my appetite slowly starts to come back. I suck in a silent breath and remind myself that the world isn’t against me.
It’s easy to play the victim when things don’t go your way. And I’m done with playing the victim.
CHAPTER 34
MAYA BROOKE
This morning, I needed to get out of the house before my afternoon classes, otherwise I’d end up overthinking and crashing out.
Finn has been distant, but present at the same time. It hurts more than I could ever imagine. He’s always here on time for Skye and stays over despite there not being another attempted break-in for a while.
We talk, but it’s mostly about how our days have been and nothing more.
I understand that I’m the reason we’ve gone back to being like this, but it doesn’t feel right. It’s alien and strange and makes me feel rotten inside. I was the one who told him I needed more time, and he’s giving me that.
So why do I feel so goddamn miserable?
We’re really playing the part of co-parenting, and yet I feel empty and unfulfilled.
I drive for half an hour to reach the next town over for a change of scenery, thinking it would help clear my mind, but it only allowed me to think even deeper.
I pause outside a clothing shop as Skye wriggles. She’s dressed in her woolly hat and layers with gloves over her delicatefingers. The temperature has dropped now that it’s creeping closer to the end of the year, but the cold is the last of my worries.
I tug Skye’s hat further onto her head. “How about we go for a little coffee date, hm? Get out of the cold, and you can have a feed.”
Skye’s arms flail around as her brown eyes fall on me. A soft smile graces my lips as I direct us towards a small coffee shop in the quieter part of town. After grabbing a coffee, the barista very kindly gives me hot water to warm Skye’s bottle. We sit in the spot by the window to do nothing other than people-watch.
I feed Skye first as she stares up at me, her ungloved fingers clutching onto my hair as she drinks down her milk. When I glance up, I nearly fall out of my chair at the sight of my mother grabbing her coffee at the counter and turning towards the exit. I freeze as her eyes glaze over me. For a second, I think she’s about to leave without even acknowledging me, but to my surprise, she stops.
“Maya.” She pauses, not once taking in Skye. “What are you doing here?”
“Just getting out of the house.” I raise my shoulders.
A hum falls from her lips as she finally acknowledges her granddaughter. “I heard that Nina has gone to stay with her girlfriend because of you and…”
My nostrils flare. “She has a name. Her name is Skye.”
“She left her own apartment for you, Maya.”
“I didn’t ask her to.” I scowl. “She offered me a place to stay when I had nowhere else to go; it’s not like I begged her to let me stay there.”
She rolls her eyes. “You really think the world revolves around you. Don’t you?”
My mouth falls open in shock. “Excuse me?”
“You actually have the baby at twenty years old while you’re still in university, then I hear you’ve taken back the alcoholic idiot who knocked you up in the first place,” she murmurs as her hand circles beside her head. “You know that will not end well, right?”
“First of all, that’s none of your business,” I spit. “Secondly, I don’t understand why you couldn’t support me when I had Skye. I’m an adult. I can make my own choices. She’s your granddaughter, Mum.”
Blood starts to boil in my veins. The relationship with my mother has always been a difficult one. I came to the conclusion when I was twelve that she didn’t like me, and as I’ve gotten older, I realise I don’t think she ever has, and I don’t understand why.
“Because I knew I’d be the one to pick up the pieces!” she exclaims, grabbing the attention of the café, which makes me want to sink into my seat. “A single mother who has to move in with her sister, who has no money and no life prospects because she has a child with an alcoholic father.”
I clench my teeth together. “I don’t understand why you hate me so much. I’ve done nothing to you, and yet you never support me, never ask how I am, never want to see your granddaughter, let alone your own child.”
