“Hormones,” Alice says gently. “It’s still early days. It’s only been two months; these things take time, Maya. Don’t punish yourself. It’s okay, and you’re not alone.”
But I feel alone. I’m clouded with loneliness nearly every single day, and it suffocates me.
“Where’s Nina?” Alice asks as she sits down on the sofa with Skye, who is slowly beginning to settle.
Of course she wants to settle with anyone who isn’t me.
“At work,” I sniffle and wipe my eyes.
“Why don’t we go out?” Jade suggests. “Get some fresh air.”
I bark out a croaky laugh and point to myself. “I’m not going outside looking like this.”
Alice frowns. “Like what?”
“Like a mess,” I say before walking to the mirror to have a look at the damage in the reflection.
Yikes.
My dark hair is thrown up into a messy bun with pieces falling out around my face. I’m wearing the same top I’ve had on all week that has food and milk down it. When was the last time I even showered properly without being interrupted?
And those dark circles. Do not get me started on them.
Skye might possibly be the worst sleeper to ever grace this Earth—and I’ve read up on mum forums online, and it’s a relief to know others are in the same boat. I sigh to myself and close my eyes.
I sound ungrateful, but I’m far from ungrateful. I love her so much I had no idea I could love so big. With her, it’s like my heart expands every day without fail. Even when I feel like I’m on the verge of ripping my hair out.
“It’ll do you some good,” Jade says, snapping me out of my trance.
“Go shower.” Alice twists her head to the bathroom as Skye is sound asleep in her arms. “We’ll wait for however long you need.”
My heart thumps in my chest as I glance between my two best friends. “Thanks, guys. I really needed this. You have no idea.”
Alice shakes her head. “Don’t thank us. That’s what friends are for.”
After dragging myself into the shower and taking a well-needed wash, knowing my baby is in safe hands, I half blow-dry my hair and leave the rest before grabbing some fresh clothes and putting on deodorant.
It’s the cleanest I’ve felt in long time.
When I step out of my bedroom feeling much better than I did before, the girls turn to look at me with smiles. “There she is.” Jade grins. “Ready to go?”
“Sure.”
I put a sleeping Skye in her pram and head out the front door. Sunlight directly hits my face despite it being October, and it’s pleasantly warm.
“So, how have you been?” Alice asks genuinely.
I shrug once. “Okay, I guess.”
“You know we said to call if you’re struggling.”
“Yeah…” I trail off. “But I know you guys are busy with university and stuff. I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”
Jade frowns. “We will still make time to see you both. I want to make the effort.”
“Same here.” Alice nods.
My eyes strain with pressure at their kind words. “Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.”
