She nodded once.“And do you believe she has reasons to be upset with you?”
“She does,” I answered immediately.I didn’t need to think about it.I had already spent weeks reflecting.She had every right to be mad at me.I had gone too far.I had hurt her.
“One thing we all regret in life is hurting someone who did not deserve to be hurt,” Miss Amara said subtly, watching a butterfly flutter by.“And another is being so stubborn that one does not apologize when an apology is needed,” she added, not so subtly now.
Miss Amara’s unsolicited advice always came as a simple truth rather than a direct urge to act.She guided us gently, never forcing us to do anything simply because she said so.She knew we might listen, or we might not.But she would never hold back from sharing her wisdom.
“She’s out of town,” I stated.
How could I apologize if she wasn’t here and I was leaving in less than 24 hours?
“When we want something, we always find a way.”Miss Amara smiled at me.
I absorbed her words, my gaze drifting toward her garden, where the late afternoon sun now painted golden streaks over the wildflowers.I had spent so many afternoons here, helping her tend to the plants, listening to her stories, sometimes just enjoying the quiet.Miss Amara had a way of making things feel lighter, even when they weren’t.But today, the weight in my chest remained.
Miss Amara reached for her cup of tea.“How’s everything with your mother?”she asked gently.
I let out a slow breath.Nothing had changed.My mother hadn’t protested when I told her I was leaving early for the college’s pre-orientation program.Her boyfriend, Gaston, was spending more and more time at our house, and increasingly mentioning their move as well.And she hadn’t said a single word about Ben or that day, as if she wanted to erase it from both our minds.
“I just want everything around me to feel stable,” I admitted.
Miss Amara gave me a knowing nod.“It’s not easy growing up with instability.”
I hesitated before speaking a thought that had been forming in the back of my mind.“I think I became dependent on Ella when she gave me that.”Stability, calmness, peace.
Miss Amara’s expression was gentle, understanding.“She’s an older sister.Stability is what she tries to be for everyone around her.”
Miss Amara was right.Ella had always taken it upon herself, whether she realized it or not.I had tried to help her before, and somehow, I ended up needing it too.
I watched Miss Amara set her cup down and met my eyes, her expression serious and deep.“But you grow the most and feel your best when you stop looking for stability outside of yourself,” she said.“Because the truth is, you should find it right here.”She tapped a hand lightly against her chest.“Inyourself.”
Chapter 29
Ella
August 3rd, 1999
Tuesday
White and perfect, with delicate ridges and curves.I observed a shell as I unpacked my suitcase and redecorated my room with a painting I had made and three new shells I’d brought back from our family vacation.
Sand spilled from every item of clothing and all my shoes.“May you always have a shell in your pocket and sand between your toes, that’s what they say,” I murmured to myself, amused as I gathered a small pile of sand on the floor with my foot.
Long walks on the beach with my brothers and sister, collecting shells along the shore, had always been one of my favorite activities during our summer vacations.That, and singing with my sister as we got ready for a night out on a warm evening in some unknown location.
I placed the perfect shell on a blue ceramic plate on my desk and paused to admire the one already resting there, the one Miles had given me after one of our dives in the ocean.
Two months had passed since I last saw Miles.I had no idea what he’d been up to lately.It felt strange, going from talking almost every day to not hearing from him at all for two entire months.It was like someone hit the pause button, and now I was just staring at the black screen, waiting for something to happen.
We arrived in Evermere yesterday.
I spent the whole day wondering if I should call him.
He should be the one to call me.
We were friends.
