I was quiet because there wasn’t a lot I could say to all that. It was exactly what I’d been worried about, too.
“I was lying there in my bed, thinking about running away. Like a little kid might do,” he said. “I’ll put a bag over my shoulder and take off, and I’ll escape this somehow.”
“I wish you could,” I told him. I reached over again to take his hand.
“I know it’s genetic. It’s the luck of the draw.” His fingers held tightly to mine. “But I keep asking if I did something to cause it. No, to deserve it,” he explained. “I review all the mistakes I’ve made—”
“There’s nothing that you did.”
He sighed. “What about the things I haven’t done? There’s so much to see in the world. Why didn’t I go to the pyramids in Egypt? Why didn’t I visit the Statue of Liberty?”
“Why don’t we do those things now?” I asked. “I’ll go with you.” We could rob a bank to fund it, which I would seriously consider.
“I also think about the experiences I’m going to miss in the future. I always wanted to be a father, but how could I? I wouldn’t be able to take care of a baby or watch a toddler. When I was little, I ran out into the street but my dad saw and caught me.” His voice broke a little and he cleared his throat. “My son would get hit because I would be useless.”
“You would be different but not useless at all! Would you say that someone who uses a wheelchair shouldn’t be a father because he can’t run? Maybe that guy would be the best dad in the world—no, because I think that you would be the best dad in the world,” I told him. “You would be patient and kind, and encouraging and loving. A kid would be lucky to have you.” I had an idea. “If you want to have a baby, I’ll give you one right now.”
He made a small sound that was almost like a laugh. “Like you’d steal one?”
I had meant that I would physically produce one using his sperm and my egg. He continued before I could explain.
“It’s overwhelming sometimes. That’s why I can’t sleep tonight. I’m so worried about the future.”
“Could you come here?” I requested. “Come to me.”
With the hand that I wasn’t clutching, Shane gently touched my cheek. “Are you crying?” he asked.
I was, but that wasn’t the reason that I wanted him to lie down and hug me. I needed it, but I thought that he did, too. He was careful not to push or jostle me as he stretched out on the narrow bed, and he was careful as he put his arms around me and drew our bodies together.
“Don’t cry,” he said. “I’m not wearing a T-shirt.”
I wrapped my arms around him, too, and settled my face against his neck. “We’ll get through this. We will.”
He didn’t answer but I believed that. And I was going to make it true.
Chapter 14
Changes. Everybody had to make them, if you wanted to or not.
“I don’t like it,” my mom said flatly. “It’s just not right.” She frowned at the picture on my brother’s phone. That was of a T-shirt with the words “Walter’s Café” written in script, just like in the original logo. “I think it looks cheap.”
“Mom, come on, this is a good update. I’m having a hard enough time hiring. The sailor outfits only make it worse,” Max told her. His voice was too loud and slightly higher-pitched than usual, and Avonlea stepped in.
“A cute T-shirt and jeans or cutoffs are much better. I always thought that those sailor uniforms were goofy and unflattering,” she said.
“They were also hot,” I chimed in. The thick polyester hadn’t breathed well and it had been miserable here at Walter’s in August, even with the creaky air conditioning struggling to cool down the restaurant…that was something else to check on. Ifthey hadn’t already done it, then someone needed to service the ancient HVAC system. It had been on the fritz for at least as long as I could remember.
“I always looked awful in it, especially the hat,” I added. “No, not awful. Repellant.” My mom sighed my name but I ignored her, just like when I’d been thirteen and my sweep of thick bangs had covered three-quarters of my face. She probably hadn’t been able to see me rolling my eyes at her.
I opened my phone and quickly added “HVAC repair” to the catalog of things that needed to be fixed or completed before the restaurant opened. Max had turned my original list into a shared document that he, his fiancée, our mom, and Morgan could view and edit. Despite my multiple additions, the number of items had actually shrunk a whole lot. It was impressive, actually, how he had jumped in headfirst (a bad idea in many situations, but it had worked out here). One thing seemed to be guiding him: Avonlea’s support, both emotional and financial. She was on his side, as she had just demonstrated when Mom had dared to question his decision to update the server uniform.
Avonlea had been working with him to get the restaurant cleaned, repaired, and readied for the opening in…oh, shit. My eyes widened when I checked today’s date. Fan Day, when the Woodsmen team made an appearance at their stadium to kick off the pre-season, was literally around the corner. Directly after that, they started working out at their nearby practice facility and business boomed at Walter’s.
But that would only happen if Max and his fiancée could get this place open, which was still a question in my mind.
Shane had been working hard to prepare for the upcoming season, too—but I couldn’t think about him right now, because I would get totally distracted. Walter’s Café was my priority today and things here were changing, even if my mom didn’t like it. She had more to say, too.
“I notice that you redid the menu in red instead of aqua,” she said, staring at the list of food and prices painted on the wall. “I used to touch that up every year, using the same beautiful blue that was the tradition.”
