Page 53 of The Way We Swing

It was the same thing Gavin had said. I punched his shoulder, grinning at him.

“Can I ask a question?” Zach said.

“Sure.”

“What happened with you two?”

I had known the question was coming, but I wasn’t sure if I could answer it. I doubted that even if Easton and I were alone together and we were being perfectly honest with each other that we could get it right. At this point, though, Zach deserved the best answer I could give.

“The only way I tell you is if you promise not to mention anything. No one else on the team can know.”

“I’ve known since the first day he came over and haven’t said a word. You should be able to trust me to keep this secret.”

So, I started from the beginning. I told him about the first time I kissed Easton on Gavin’s trip, about our talks, and even how I knew I loved him when he consoled Gavin after his loss. I started to tell him about the first time I saw Easton naked—until Zach waved me off.

Then I had to tell him about Gavin walking in on us and about how he’d acted on New Year’s Eve. I told him about everything that I wished I had been able to tell him for the last four months, things I hadn’t realized had been hurting me so much to hold inside.

I felt a sense of relief that I had longed for. Not only that, but I felt like I had my brother back. The glass closet that I had built for so long had come crashing down, and so far, I’d avoided getting cut.

Zach’s phone kept buzzing, but he didn’t interrupt, didn’t drift, didn’t even blink at the sound of cars rushing past.

When I finally stopped talking, Zach looked at me and said, “I’ve got a very serious question for you. I hope you’ll answer truthfully because I couldn’t tell from your story there. Are you one hundred percent positive you’re gay?”

I laughed until I couldn’t breathe anymore. The joke hadn’t even been that funny, but it was good to be able to show some emotion around Zach again.

“But why do you think he stopped talking to all of us?” Zach asked.

A small breeze brushed by as I thought about how best to answer his question. I tapped my knuckles on the picnic table, careful not to pick up a splinter from the peeling wood.

“That’s the part I can’t really pinpoint. I wish I knew. He’s really embarrassed about it. He refuses to talk about it. But that’s not your fault or Gavin’s. Or, for that matter, mine.”

“Should I ask him?”

“Only if you want him to stop talking to you guys again.”

“How are you dealing with all of this?”

“Not great. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. Or, I used to feel like that. I still do, but it’s weird. I’m so mad at him right now. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to Gavin?”

“Or me. I don’t know, man, this shit makes dealing with Nicole look easy. But look at them,” he said, pointing across the field, “he’s starting to make up for it. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Yes. But kind of no. I’ve gone all my life being able to avoid falling for someone I played baseball with, and now I’ve got it in the back of my head every time I’m on the field. I need to just get over it and focus on baseball for three months. After that, I can worry about Easton again.”

“You don’t choose who you love, Tanner. It just happens. It isn’t selfish to care about something other than the pursuit of a state title occasionally.”

“That’s all that matters right now,” I said.

“If that was all that mattered, you wouldn’t have yelled at Easton.”

I slapped his shoulder. “When did you get so smart?”

“I’ve always been smart.”

“I remember you strapping on Gavin’s gear and taking an eighty-mile-an-hour fastball to the chest.”

“Hey, that was fun,” he joked.

I turned to the field again and saw Gavin leading Easton toward us. Gavin was still smiling, something I doubted he’d stopped doing for the last two hours.