“That’s perfect. I love that.”
~ 16 ~
Lily
I met Rona by the London Eye after my podcast appearance later that evening with a big hug. The air had turned chillier now it was the end of October. We’d both been on the wheel before and didn’t feel the need to go on it again. It was a great landmark to meet at though. I had on my trusty cap and sunglasses, and an oversized fleece which I could disappear into. We strolled along the South Bank, taking our time to get to the restaurant, as I filled her in on my experience on the podcast this afternoon, feeling like a world of possibilities was opening up.
When I was done telling her every detail, she was silent for a few paces, smiling. “I haven’t seen you light up like this before. Well, except maybe when you were gazing into my eyes under the moonlight on a strangers’ boat on a Greek island…”
I laughed, loving it when Rona was playful and flirty.
“No, seriously. It’s wonderful to see you feeling so enthusiastic. It sounds like it went well.”
“I loved it. I’m still buzzing.”
“When does it come out?”
“In two weeks.”
“I can’t wait to listen to it, and I hope it does great, which I’m sure it will.”
“How did your time in the studio today go?”
Rona smiled. “Good. Flavia’s doing better these days and we’re making progress on a few decent songs. I’m always amazed by her. She’s so confident and she doesn’t give anyfucks. I wish I could be more like that. I certainly wish I’d been more like that at her age.”
“I swear the young ones coming through are fearless. I know it’s a cliché but it seemed that way at the club. And they don’t drink as much as our generation used to. Not that I really drank that much during my playing career.”
“You didn’t?”
“Why do you seem so surprised?”
Rona walked in silence for a few steps. Her lips were pressed together. “No reason. Anyway, we have a full album to produce in less than two months. We’ll get there but it’s going to be down to the wire.”
“You’ll get there. Did you work any more on your own stuff today too? I know you said you wanted to.”
“I did a little. Mostly production stuff. I’m at the point where I’m perfecting the songs.”
“Why do you perfect them if you’re not going to share them?” I glanced at her, worried I might have been too direct.
“That’s a good question. I don’t know. For the love of it?” Her voice went up at the end. “It’s probably just the music maker in me. I want it to be to a high standard.”
“Maybe that’s true. Or maybe there’s some part of you that wants to share your music, as you, because that’s also a natural and normal part of the process. Sorry to be so corny but it’s like you’re this beautiful and rare flower who doesn’t let herself bloom.”
Rona stopped walking and turned to me.
I mirrored her.
Her eyes were passionate and questioning. “Stop seeing me so well.”
“I want to see you bloom, Rona. All that shit with the band from the past doesn’t have to define you for the restof your life. Your music is fucking amazing. You make hits for the biggest stars on the planet. Your new stuff is incredible. I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend if I didn’t encourage you to know your worth, or at least to ask you if your wish to stay on the sidelines is coming from the right place.”
I stopped there because I didn’t want to invalidate her experience from the past. But what I wanted to add was that culture was more accepting now. Being out and proud and authentically herself would draw people to her now. Ten or thirteen years ago might as well have been twenty years ago. Or thirty. But I didn’t think she was ready to hear that yet.
“The fact that I’m making my own music and I’m so opposed to putting myself out there with it is probably a sign I’m not ready to go down that road. Maybe I am just full of fear. I don’t know. It’s not something I see as a huge problem, but I am open to addressing it. It’s just never felt like a priority.”
“Whatever you do, do it on your own timeline. Don’t let anyone rush you.”
She smiled.
