A puppet thrust into my life and forced to perform all because that bastard can't do the fucking work himself.
"Was what?" Rose asks but from the weight of her gaze, I suspect she already knows what I'm going to say.
"Was any of it real?" I ask, struggling to keep the hurt out of my voice. "Me and you? Was any of it…" My jaw wobbles and I swallow hard. "Was any of it real?"
"Of course it was!" Rose takes a couple of steps toward me.
As much as I ache to take her in my arms and kiss those tears from her eyes, I don't trust myself to.
"It was real, okay? That's why it got so hard for me. All this time, all this stress and panic because they were demanding all of this from me and every single night, I went to bed fearing my family would end up dead because of my failures and my inability to do something so simple. I was happy to use you to save them, okay? But then…" She drags one hand through her hair and laughs dryly. "Then I started to fall for you. I started to love being here, love living here, love being myself here. And that's when it got hard because I didn't and still don't want to hurt you. I need you to know that. At first it was about saving my family but now it's so much more complicated, Kon, because hurting you is the last thing I want to do."
The fear was right.
I shouldn't have asked because I can't bring myself to trust her answer.
With her parents missing, I can't believe that all of this is genuine and not just an attempt to keep me on her side to find her parents and keep Beatie safe and alive.
It's too much.
It's all too fucking much.
"Did I?" I ask quietly, my voice strained. "Did I get you pregnant?"
Rose presses her lips into a thin line and another tear escapes down her cheek.
This time, she doesn't wipe it away as her arms slide around her middle and she hugs herself tightly.
"No, Kon," she murmurs. "You didn't."
So there is no baby.
There is nothing for Rose to trade for the life of her family, not that I would allow her to trade the life of my child.
Staring at her, I'm not sure she would make the trade anymore either, but I can't trust that line of thinking.
I can't trust anything.
I didn't see this coming.
I didn't see the betrayal of my general or the path I was being led down by the Italians.
I was blind and stupid, and my own judgment cannot be trusted.
Very slowly, I turn back to the soup and collect another jugful of water, adding it to the pot until everything is submerged.
Then I cover it with the lid and set it on a low heat.
The silence behind me remains heavy and cautious, and there's a ripple of tension when I turn back.
"Kon," Rose says shakily. "Please believe me. You have to believe me. I swear I'm telling you the truth. It was real for me. It was."
I glance at Calvin, who frowns ever so slightly, then I approach Rose. She doesn't shrink away. She stands right on that spot and stares up at me when we're within a few inches of each other.
I gently lift my hands and place them on her shoulders, then I lean forward and kiss her forehead.
"Thank you for telling me the truth," I say as calmly as I can. "I will take care of everything."
32
