Page 19 of Before I Lost You

“You alreadydocare,” Kenneth says softly. “Look at you, Conrad. God, you care so much it’s fucking scary.”

I draw in a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down, trying not to break the fuck down in front of him. Fuck, that would be so embarrassing. My hands tighten on his hips, then trail up his spine under his shirt. His skin is smooth and warm, and I briefly wonder what it would look like arched back for me. Does he have freckles on his shoulders? Is he more breathtaking naked than he is clothed? Surely he is. There are not enough words in my vocabulary that describe his perfection, but if I had to choose one, I’d say: bewitching. Utterly bewitching. In a scary way—one that feels absolute.

“Look at me,” he says softly but commandingly. “Open those beautiful green eyes and look at me.”

I open my eyes slowly, and the tears that were gathered in the corners fall like waterfalls. He watches them trail down myface and down my neck with a stricken expression, but then his eyes snap back to mine. There’s vulnerability there, and my heart begins to beat faster.Faster. Irregularly. Until I feel dizzy and there’s a whooshing sound in my ears. Blood, I realize. The things he does to me should be studied.

Kenneth leans in and his nose bumps mine, making my breath shudder. He keeps eye contact with me the entire time, and when he tilts his head and brushes his lips against mine, I grow dizzier even though I’m sitting. My head spins, and my hands change direction to come to the back of his head. I hold the nape of his neck with one hand and tangle my other one in his golden locks. He breathes heavily against my mouth, and I begin to tremble under him. He has no idea of the power he wields over me. Kenneth is the blade, and I am the soft flesh that yields to him.

“Kiss me,” I whisper, and he shivers. “Kiss me already. Put me out of my misery, please. I need—”

My words are silenced by the press of his lips against mine. It stuns me momentarily, the way it feels as if there are fireworks going off inside of me. My skin turns hot and tingly, my stomach filling with raging butterflies. It feels as if they’re trying to crawl out of me, trying to escape the confines of my insides. Maybe they will. Maybe he really is a blade, one that pierces me open to let every part of me out.

Kenneth’s lips shift, and he sucks on my lips, making me groan, and when he bites my bottom one, I tighten my fist in his hair. He lets out a breathy little moan that goes straight to my cock, and I feel it stiffen against his ass. I know he can feel it when he rocks against it once, and my breath catches in my throat. He’s barely doing anything, and yet he’s already ruining me for anyone else. I’ve never felt this way before over a simple kiss.

I tilt his head slightly and thrust my tongue into his warm mouth. It’s wet and hot, and it threatens to consume me. His own tongue tangles with mine, rolling and stroking, and when he cups my cheeks with his hands and deepens the kiss even more, it feels like I’m on the edge of a cliff, ready to throw myself off. Willingly. Readily. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’d do it if he asked.

He shifts and pushes me down onto my back, and I land on the couch with a small oomph. His body drapes over mine in a way that makes me feel cocooned, and he begins kissing the side of my jaw softly, open-mouthed. I groan, ready to beg him to keep going, but I don’t have to. He shifts my head to the side and kisses my throat, then bites the side of my neck in a way that has my cock pulsing to the beat of my heart. I’m painfully turned on, ready to plead with him to put me out of my misery, when I remember I promised myself I wouldn’t have sex with him.

“Wait,” I gasp in painful breaths. “I can’t—we can’t—”

“No sex,” he breathes against the side of my neck, right under my ear. I shiver. “Just let me taste you.Please. I’m dying for it. I need it. I’m begging you, Conrad. After the night we’ve had, I can’t keep wondering how your cum feels down my throat.”

“Fuck,” I groan, and he bites my earlobe, then licks over it in a way that has my toes curling and my fists tightening. The way my blunt fingernails dig into the palms of my hands is painful, and I don’t think I can resist him. “Oh, god, you feel so good.”

“You haven’t felt anything yet,” he whispers, “I promise you won’t ever forget this.” I already know that, so I nod frantically.

Kenneth’s hand trails up my side, underneath my shirt, and he pushes it up, exposing my abs. He pulls away from me, looking down at my exposed torso and trailing his fingers through the grooves of my six-pack. Then his hand shifts, wandering up to my chest, where he squeezes my pec and pinches my nipple. No one’s ever done that before, and my hips lift right off the couch,my cock seeking relief. A moan tears from my throat at the way he does it again, and then he dips his head and takes the tight bud between his lips and sucks. It’s a direct line to my balls, making them tighten, and I gasp.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

I’ve never felt anything like it. I don’t think I can deny him. I can’t even fucking think straight. When he grabs both sides of my T-shirt and tears it open, I know I stand no chance against him. I’m fucking done for. There’s no hope of leaving this scene unscathed.

“You’re fucking perfection,” he breathes, lips lightly moving over my chest now. His lips ghost between my pecs, and he licks a trail down my abs until he’s at the waistband of my shorts. He looks up at me, a question in his eyes. “Please.”

I can’t stand it anymore, the way he’s begging as if this is the only thing he wants. The only thing he’s ever wanted. As if he can’t live without it for one more second. I know the way it feels. To want someone this much. To wanthimthis much. I don’t know how I know, just that I do.

I nod, and his eyes fill with a heat that feels scorching. He shoves my shorts down my legs until they’re at my ankles, and then I kick them off, throw them over the side of the couch, and spread my legs for him. He bites his bottom lip as he kneels between them, touching my balls gingerly and making them tighten until it’s nearly painful. His eyes dip down, and when his eyes widen even more, I know he’s looking at my hole.

Kenneth licks his lips and wraps his hand around my cock, letting a string of his saliva fall from his lips. It lands on the head of my dick, warm and wet and driving me fucking crazy. Just the sight of it is so erotic, I’m not sure I’ll last very long. I don’t want to embarrass myself, but everything about him is just doing it for me.

“Is it nice?” I ask breathlessly. “Is it everything you thought it would be?”

I’m referring to my cock, and he strokes it slowly as he stares into my eyes with a smirk.

“Gorgeous.” He grins. “Perfect. Huge.”

His hand strokes me a little faster, and I pant. “F-fuck—”

“I want it inside of me,” he whispers, lowering his head until his mouth is just a ghost of breath over my tip. “But I can be patient.”

“Suck it, Ken,” I beg him, writhing underneath him at the pleasure he’s providing with just his hand. “Oh, fuck, please put your mouth on me. I need it. I can’t—”

“Shhhh,” he hushes me softly. “I want it just as much as you do.”

Our eyes connect as he wraps his lips around the head, and I moan loudly, my entire body shaking. He grips my thigh as he goes lower, taking more of me in his mouth, until I meet resistance. I’m in the back of his throat, and when it tightens around me, warm and wet and so fucking tight, my toes curl, and I whimper. I’ve never made that sound before in my entire life, and his eyes brighten with something that looks akin to victory.