Page 30 of Before I Lost You

“I want to get to know you better,” Kenneth replies.

I breathe in deeply, letting it out slowly. “He was the best. Always there for me—never missed any important events. Even when he was supposed to work, he found someone else to cover his shift. He taught me how to fish, how to ride my dirt bike, and how to play hockey.”

“Are you sure you’re not straight?” Kenneth smirks, and I roll my eyes, though I’m grateful for the lighter mood.

“Positive.” I chuckle. “He went to all my games. Every single one. I miss him a lot.” My voice breaks, and I clear my throat. Kenneth grabs my hand and squeezes once, then laces our fingers together. “What about you? Play any sports?”

“God, no. No way.” Kenneth looks slightly embarrassed for the first time since I met him. “I was an artsy kid. The one who would sketch in the middle of class and smoke pot in his spare time.”

“You were a pothead?” I laugh. “I don’t believe that for one second.”

“Oh, yes. I was.” He chuckles. “I went through a whole phase. Even had a septum piercing for a while. I drew the line at tattoos, though.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’m not sure.” Kenneth shrugs. “I didn’t really feel comfortable committing to anything permanent. Except for the one on my hand.”

My stomach drops at the admission. Is he still like that? I clear my throat. “And now? Are you still afraid of commitment?”

“Absolutely,” he replies without hesitation.

“Oh.” I nod slowly, and he frowns.

He seems to realize my change in demeanor because his eyes widen. “Conrad—”

“No, it’s fine,” I say, looking away. “I’m okay.”

“Look at me,” Kenneth says softly, and when I don’t, he takes hold of my chin and turns my face toward him. I look down, refusing to make eye contact. “Please, let me see those pretty eyes.”

My breath catches in my throat at his words, but I raise my gaze to his.

“I want to try… with you,” he tells me. “I-I’m scared, I won’t lie to you. And I’ll probably fuck this all the way up before I get it right. I can’t promise to be perfect, Conrad. But I can promise you I’ll try for you. I want this with you. I do.”

“Do you mean that?” I ask him in a whisper. I feel oddly vulnerable. Exposed. Raw. “Or are you just telling me what I want to hear?”

“I like you,” he says, voice resolute. “Fuck, I actuallyreallylike you. Do you think I’d be here if I didn’t?”

“I don’t really know,” I admit. “I’m afraid to hope.”

“Afraid to hope for what?” he asks, his gaze intense.

“For more.” My voice is small, and he swallows hard. “For everything.”

“Why?”

“Because hope is where dreams go to die,” I reply. He’s even beautiful when he frowns. Fuck me. I’m in so deep. “I’m afraid that if I go there, I won’t recover from the heartbreak.”

“What if we both go there?” Kenneth replies. “What if we both hope?”

“Then I guess I won’t feel so lonely,” I tell him, exhaling roughly.

Kenneth lets go of my chin, then cups my face and leans in to kiss me. His lips are soft and pliant as I suck on them, and when he pushes his tongue into my mouth, I feel myself come back to life. It doesn’t last very long, though, and when he pulls away, I’m lost at sea once more.

“Can I stay for a while?” he asks, climbing onto my lap and burying his face in the crook of my neck. I breathe him in, his tropical scent, and feel my body relax.

“You never have to ask.”

Chapter 11