Page 79 of Before I Lost You

“You don’t scare me, only the way you make me feel.”

“How do I make you feel?” I ask, though I’m afraid of the answer. I hold my breath, waiting for his response, and my lungs begin to scream in agony when he takes too long. My body’s begging for a deep breath, but I don’t dare let go of the oxygen in my lungs.

“Like I matter.” He shrugs, and I exhale roughly, then suck in a sharp breath, filling my lungs again. “It’s like… I don’t know how to explain it. Like I’m the most important person in your world. And I know that can’t be right…” Kenneth shakes his head quickly, and I want to protest. Tell him he’s right. That’s exactly how I feel. That he truly is the most important person to me. “But it feels good to feel wanted.”

“Baby—” I whisper, reaching for him and gripping his waist with both hands. I haul him onto my lap, and his jaw drops, butI move my hands to his face and cup his cheeks before he can get off. Before he can reject me. Kenneth drops his forehead against mine, and my heart begins to pound when I feel his breath against my lips. If I moved even a centimeter, I could kiss him. “You do matter. I do want you. You’re perfect.” He sucks in a sharp breath, and I move one hand to the back of his head and tangle my fingers in the hair on the nape of his neck. Soft, so soft. “I just want one chance to prove to you that we’re perfect for each other.”

Kenneth blinks rapidly, his blue eyes dilating to black pools as he stares into mine. My breathing gets quicker, and there’s an ache I feel in my chest—something close to what I felt when I woke up in that hospital. Similar to heartbreak. Probably because this moment could end in it. But instead of running away, Kenneth leans in further, soft lips brushing against mine. An almost kiss. My fingers tighten in his hair, making him gasp, and I’m just about to crash my lips to his and put myself out of my fucking misery when the doorbell rings.

Fuck.

He startles, flying off my lap, a hand to his chest. His other hand trembles at his side, and I have a feeling I fucked this all the way up. I don’t have time to fix it, though, because he turns around and strides to his door, opening it to grab our takeout from the delivery guy. I get up and walk to the kitchen, mostly because I need something to do. I can’t stay seated and think about what just happened. I’m giving him a choice. We can either eat, or I can leave. I know what I want to do, but I also don’t want him to be uncomfortable.

I grab two plates, silverware, and then go to the fridge and stare at it in surprise. He’s stocked up on my favorite beer, and I do the mental math to try to remember when I may have let that slip. I haven’t drunk it around him, and he hates this beer. So why did he get it? Did he remember us? Did he remembersomething? I take a deep breath and shake my head, grab the beer and his Dr. Pepper, then go to the living room. He’s already set up the to-go containers on the coffee table, and I place his plate in front of him as well as his drink. Then, I sit as far as possible and make myself as comfortable as I can. Which is impossible. I’m so fidgety it looks like fire ants are biting me all over my body. I can’t stay fucking still.

“Have you been here before?” Kenny smirks, breaking the silence. “Or did you break in?”

I stiffen. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I guess you seem to know where everything is.”

I shrug, feeling self-conscious and all too guilty. Maybe I should tone it down. “Lucky guess.”

Kenneth does something completely unexpected, making me stiffen for a brief moment. He pushes his plate toward me and sits as close as possible, then drags his drink across the coffee table. I force myself to relax when he looks at me expectantly, and I try to think of something to say that doesn’t make me sound as nervous as I feel.

“What made you pick this beer?” I blurt out, and when he frowns, I almost slap myself. It’s too late now, though, so I continue. “It’s my favorite.”

He smiles. “I’m not sure—something told me to. Like my subconscious made the choice for me.” He shrugs. “Guess you got lucky.”

I nod silently, my hands shaking.

“I could ask you the same thing, though,” he says softly, looking at me with raised brows. “You seemed to know exactly what to pick for me.”

Swallowing hard, I force words past my lips. “It was the obvious choice. First shelf. Clear favorite.”

That makes him chuckle. “You got it right.”

Kenneth picks up a spoon and serves us our food, shoving fried rice and steak onto my plate, pushing yum-yum sauce between us. He also opens the container with the multiple sushi rolls and hands me a pair of chopsticks. It’s a comfortable silence now as he picks up some sushi with his chopsticks—the shrimp tempura roll. He surprises me, directing it to my mouth, then taps my lip, and I open up. His free hand lands on my lap, right over mine, and I stare at him as I chew silently.

“Do you ever feel like you remember something that hasn’t happened yet?” Ken asks, and I swallow my food.

“All the time.”

“It makes me feel crazy.” He shakes his head. “I guess I have this sense of déjà vu when I’m around you. I just can’t explain it.”

“Maybe you knew me in a past life.” I try to sound nonchalant, but I’m not quite sure I manage it.

“And am I your soulmate from a past life?” It’s teasing, but I immediately nod.

“Yeah, Kenny,” I whisper, and he sucks in a sharp breath at the nickname. “I think you are.”

Kenny smiles and looks down briefly, then back up into my eyes. “I’ve been dreaming about the love of my life a lot lately. I even wrote a poem about him.”

“Should I be jealous?” I ask, my cheeks heating.

“Are you?” Ken grins.

“Yes.” I don’t even hesitate when I say it, and when Kenneth’s grin widens impossibly more, I realize it was the right thing to say.