Page 83 of Before I Lost You

He thrusts inside my mouth gently at first, but when I push him in deeper, he stays there and grinds against my lips, then pulls back and fucks my throat in harsh and jerky movements. My fingers continue to rub against his prostate, faster and faster, to the rhythm of his thrusts. He tenses, and his cock thickens in my mouth, and I know he’s about to warn me, but all that comes out of his mouth is a scream.

Fuck yes.

This is what I wanted. To make him lose control. I wanted him to be a fucking mess for me. His hips have a mind of their own as he fucks my face through his orgasm, and I swallow his cumgreedily, savoring the taste of it. His legs begin to shake when he stills, and I gently remove my fingers from his hole and help him out of my mouth. He’s still half-hard when he pushes himself down my body and collapses on top of me, face buried in the crook of my neck. Just as always. His spot. I sigh as he nuzzles closer, and he kisses my sensitive skin.

“Can I stay the night?” he asks softly, and I wrap my arms around him tightly.

“You never have to ask,” I reply just as softly, my fingers drifting over his spine gently. “There’s always a place for you in my arms.”

Kenneth smiles against me, his body relaxing even more, and then his breathing slows, small puffs of air caressing my skin. I close my eyes now, too, drifting in limbo, somewhere between unconsciousness and awareness. But still, I smile because he’s finally in my arms again. We are us. And this is the happiest I’ve been since I opened my eyes in that hospital room.

I’m so glad I’m alive.

Chapter 32

A PLACE AT THE TABLE

Kenneth’s car drives so smoothly, I’m almost in a trance by the time we pull up to his mom’s apartment building. He hasn’t told me why we’re here, or even wherehereis, but I know. I can’t deny I’m scared to go in there and see her. The last time I laid eyes on his mom, she was on her deathbed, and it never gets easier to think about Kenneth losing her. Both of us on the same night. The possibility of it happening again is unthinkable—it’s panic-inducing—and I’m trying really hard to act normal and not freak out in front of Kenneth, but it’s getting harder and harder to do so. I wish I could tell him what’s going through my mind, why I act the way I do, but it’s simply not possible. He’ll think I’m crazy. Frankly, I can’t even blame him if he does.

He parks the car in an assigned spot and grips the steering wheel tightly, not making eye contact, chest heaving. I can tell he’s very nervous, probably even thinks this is going to freak me out. To meet his mother so soon into our relationship. It’s not, though. I know how important she is to him, and that she doesn’t have much time left. That alone makes it understandable that he’d want to do this, but also, the reality is that I wouldnever be freaked out, no matter how fast he was taking things between us.

“What’s going on, Ken?” I ask very, very softly, hoping my voice comes out soothing.

“I—” Kenneth swallows hard, then turns his face to look at me. His eyes are red-rimmed and wet, and he blinks quickly, trying not to spill the tears down his cheeks. “I want you to meet my mom.”

I nod. “I’d love to meet her.”

His face goes from scared to shocked in a split second. “You would?”

“Of course,” I reply easily, trying to make him feel at ease. As if this is no big deal at all, when in fact, it’s the most important thing that’s ever happened to him. “I already love her.”

I already love you.

Kenneth’s bottom lip wobbles slightly, and he bites it hard, the flesh blanching as he inhales deeply through his nose. I can tell he’s trying to keep his composure, and when he closes his eyes and squeezes tightly, I exhale shakily. I’m treading carefully here, but we’re on shaky ground right now, and one wrong move will fuck everything up. I want him to feel comfortable. I need him to know I’m here no matter what. That he has someone to lean on. A shoulder to cry on if necessary—and I know it will be needed at some point.

“I told her about you,” he admits, and I smile at him even though his eyes are closed. “She’s really excited for me to finally bring someone home.”

“Have you never…?” I know the answer, but I still feel like I should ask. I can’t act like I know everything about him.

“Once.” This time, he opens his eyes and looks into mine. “I never thought I’d be in a relationship again.”

“Why not, Ken? You’re a catch,” I reply, putting a hand up to stop him from speaking. From the argument I know is coming.From him trying to tell me he’s not. “You are. You’re amazing—you’reeverything. The full package. There’s no one else for me but you. I need you to know that. I know I’m intense, and that sometimes I’m too much. But I need you to be sure of one thing: you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Ken inhales sharply. “Sometimes I look at you, and you don’t seem real.”

“I’m real, baby,” I say softly, reaching for him. My thumb brushes under his eye to catch a stray tear, and he gives me a wobbly smile. His chin quivers as he tries not to cry, and my heart breaks for him a little more. It breaks forus. “All those dreams of your soulmate? It was just your brain telling you I was coming for you. I’ve been ready for you. My whole life, I’ve been looking for you. I—” I stop myself before I can say those three little words, but his eyes widen anyway. I know he knows. He can tell, and I don’t want to ruin this, so instead, I smile. “I’m happy I found you.”

“I’m happy you found me, too.” Kenneth’s voice cracks, and I feel the emotion in my chest. My heart squeezes painfully. “Also, I just need to put this out there. My mom raised me alone, so I can’t introduce you to my dad. I don’t really know him. I-I’m sorry. I know that’s—”

I frown, interrupting him. “I don’t care about that piece of shit, Ken.”

He smiles, eyes lighting up. “I just wanted to tell you.”

“I care about who you care about,” I reply gently, squeezing his hand once. “Your mom did a great job all on her own.”

“I owe it all to her,” he replies, then turns off the ignition. “Are you ready?”

I nod and smile. “Yeah, baby. Let’s do this.”