Page 96 of Before I Lost You

My spine jerks, and I straighten, looking toward the elevator doors. I know who it is. The only person who would dare show up at two in the morning. I start walking in the direction of it when Emerson intercepts me, shoving me back toward the couch. I open my mouth to object, but he beats me to it.

“Don’t even think about it, Conrad,” Em growls, and I suck in a sharp breath. He’s upset. For me. He’s being protective. “I’m going to see what he wants, and if he’s going to make this worse, I’m kicking him out.”

“Don’t kick him out,” I beg him. “P-please. I need to see him.”

“Not if he’s going to hurt you more,” he replies with finality, then turns his back on me and walks to the doors Kenneth is walking through. I can see how he steels himself as he stands there, shoulders tight as he stares Kenneth down.

There’s a moment of silence as they stare at each other, and I can’t see either of their faces from this angle, but I’m shaking with nerves. What if Kenneth decides it’s not worth it to go through Emerson and leaves instead? What will happen then? Will I survive that pain?

“I’m here to see Conrad,” Kenneth’s voice is firm. “I need to talk to him.”

“Unless you’re here to say you’re sorry for hurting him,” Emerson growls, “then you need to leave.”

“I—” Ken’s voice cracks, the first sign of this affecting him since he came in. “I need to talk to you, Connie.Please. Let me in.”

My tears are a waterfall now, but I stay rooted to the spot. I don’t speak, and I don’t breathe, and I don’t dare move. This hurts enough already; I don’t think I could handle it if he makes it even worse. That’s why I say nothing. Instead, I close my eyes and wait for him to leave. Maybe this is it. The last time we do this. It’s possible we’re not meant to be, and the universe has been trying to tell us that. And then if we end things, I won’tdie. We won’t be together, and the universe will finally release its talons from my fucking throat.

“I l-love him,” Kenneth whispers to Emerson. I don’t think I’m supposed to hear this. “I need to talk to him. I made a mistake by leaving. I need to tell him that.”

Emerson sighs. “You really hurt him, Kenneth.”

Ken sobs. “I hurt myself, too. I can’t live without him. I’ll never be able to.”

My heart soars with those words, and I sway on my feet, my knees almost giving out on me. It’s everything I wanted to hear earlier, and I wish he was saying it to me. I don’t want to hear it secondhand, so I walk over to the door and shove Em aside.

“Conrad—” Emerson growls as I shove him harder to stand in front of Kenneth.

Kenneth’s face is red and puffy, his eyes sad and full of tears. There are wet tracks on his cheeks, and his T-shirt is soaked in the front. He’s been crying for a while, maybe the entire time we’ve been apart. It breaks something inside of me to see him in pain. Does it hurt him seeing me in pain, too?

“I-I’m sorry, baby.” Ken’s voice trembles. So do his bottom lip and hands. All of him is shaking. Is it fear? Is he scared I’ll be done? Doesn’t he know I could never move on from him? “Can we talk?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“I’m confused,” Kenneth says softly. “I want to believe you, I just don’t know how to.”

I inhale sharply. “I know how it sounds, Ken.”

“I’m sorry I said those things. I should’ve listened to you. You deserve that much,” he whispers, reaching out and wiping a tear from under my eye. His fingers trail down my cheek, and he brushes my bottom lip with his thumb. It makes it wobble, and I bite down to keep it from doing so. “Please.”

“What?” I ask, not sure what he’s asking for.

“Please give me a chance to listen.” He looks directly at Emerson. “Alone.”

“Over my dead body,” Emerson snaps, and I grip his shoulder gently and squeeze once. He relaxes, then looks at me. I beg him with my eyes. “Fine,” he sighs. “I want you to call me when he leaves. I’ll be waiting by my phone all night, Conrad.”

“I won’t be leaving,” Ken says, raising his chin defiantly. “I’m staying the night.”

Emerson narrows his eyes. “I think that’s up to Conrad.”

“Em.” I clear my throat. “Can you just give us some privacy for a little while?”

“Promise you’ll update me, or I’m not leaving you.”

I sigh. “I promise.”

Emerson directs his gaze at Kenneth. “Don’t hurt him more, or I swear to god you’ll never see him again.”

Ken hiccups, then nods. “I understand.”