Page 95 of Wingmen

“It wasn’t your fault. You were nice.”

They drove in silence. Eventually Dustin said, “Yeah. Like that. For some people, anyway. Some people don’t ever seem to hurt. They don’t seem to be affected at all, and you watch them and wait, and you’re, like…sosmuglywaiting for them to break down, and they really just don’t.” He was talking about his own mom, now, which probably wasn’t helpful for Elliot, but it was helpful for him, so he kept going. “In the beginning, it’s impossiblefor anyone to say the right thing, but if theydon’tsay something, that’s wrong too. And you don’t realize how just…complicatedit is to die. There’s so much paperwork, and youhaveto do it – well, your momhas to do it – which feels ridiculous,because it’s like, ‘He’sdead.Why is it so hard to cancel his Verizon plan?’”

“Right,” said Elliot.

“Sorry. That was just my shit.”

“No, it’s good. That is how it was.”

Dustin looked at him again. He weighed whether or not he wanted to say the next thing. It might not be helpful. But he felt like Elliot should get the whole picture.

“And if the guy who died was an asshole,” he said, “it’s probablynotgoing to bring your family together.”

He didn’t have to say it like that. But it always came out that way, somehow.

“Was your dad an asshole?” said Elliot.

“Pretty much.”

“I think maybe my uncle was too,” he said, and his voice cracked and he went quiet again. They drove for a while.

“Why do you think that?” said Dustin.

Elliot lifted one shoulder. “Just…the stuff we’ve been doing. You and me. He wouldn’t have been okay with it.”

God, there wassomuch to wade through there. Dustin definitely wasn’t qualified to do it. So he said, “Probably someone smarter than me can help you figure out how to deal with that. Like a professional. Which you should look into. But just know: it’s okay to think he was an asshole in some ways and not others. And even if he was an asshole, you can stillmisshim. Or not – that’s perfectly fine, too. You don’t owe him anything. And it’s okay to feel weird, and it’s okay to feel angry, and it’s okay to cry,a lot, and it’s good to talk to people, if you can.”

“Is that what you did?” said Elliot.

“I did.”

“Cried a lot.”

“Yep.”

“Even though he was an asshole.”

“Yep.”

“And you played hockey.”

Dustin kind of laughed. “Sure. That too.”

A long moment of quiet, then Elliot said, “You know Diego and I call you the Great Bendito.”

He frowned. “Okay… What does that mean?”

“Bendito? It means ‘blessed’. But in Puerto Rico it means a lot of other things, too. I think Diego just started saying it because it sounded good –The Great Bendito. It’salmostlike Bennet. But I liked it because…in Puerto Rico, people say ‘Ay, bendito’ all the time, like, ‘What a shame,’ or ‘Poor thing.’ It’s like…a solidarity thing. And I knew about your dad, so…to me, calling you Bendito would be like saying, ‘Ay, this poor guy.’ But theGreatBendito would mean…he doesn’t let it stop him, you know? This poor guy…he lost his father, but he’s the greatest in the world. When Sal died, I thought about that a lot. All the stuff I was feeling, I just put it into hockey, like you did.”

God, thiskid.Dustin felt like he might lose it, but he managed to keep it together enough to say, “What you have to understand, Roddy, is it wasn’t hockey that got me through that. You’re right – it helped. I played a lot, and I don’t know where I would’ve been without that. But the thing that saved me was Jordan. And my mom, until she left. If it had just been me and hockey…it wouldn’t’ve worked.” He was quiet, watching the street.

“Your mom left,” said Elliot.

“I mean, I was eighteen, so… She stayed as long as she could, I think, but then she met someone, and I didn’t like him…like I said: it doesn’t necessarily bring your family together.”

“What happened after that?”

“Jordan was in the NHL by then, so he took care of me. He made me go to therapy for a while. I had juniors. People.”