“Does that mean we can keep you for the evening?” Cole’s voice was eager and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Let’s eat together, but then I need to head home. I’m meeting with my band tomorrow and I need to think through some stuff.”
“What’s going on?” Ezra asked.
I shook my head. “Nothing important.”
“I don’t usually prepare for unimportant things the night before,” Cole said skeptically. “Does it have anything to do with the impending breakup you mentioned when I was trying to convince you to work with us?”
I craned my neck to look at him. “Has anyone ever told you that you have a freakishly good memory?
He poked the tip of my nose, a gesture so familiar that it made my heart hurt.
“Why don’t we get dressed and have you tell us all about it?”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Ezra covered it with his palm. “C’mon, we’ve been in a band for a long time and have seen every kind of drama come and go. Let us help you.”
He had a point, and to be honest, I could see the benefit of getting an impartial opinion on the state of Through Azure Skies.
Pushing off his chest, I looked at him and Cole. “Okay, but if the advice sucks, I’m asking for a refund.”
Cole laughed and pulled me into his chest. “I hope we can pay you back in sexual favors.”
* * *
“So let me get this straight.” Cole was perched on a kitchen stool, his chopsticks hovering over a box of Chinese food. “Mason is heading off to college next weekend and will be a three-hour drive away from here. Liam has a kid on the way and has been hinting he no longer wants to play. And what’s up with Elly again?”
“Nothing in particular,” I said. “She’s been looking for a new job for a while now, but I think she’s down to keep playing as long as her new gig doesn’t require her to move elsewhere.”
“And what about you? Where do you stand?”
I let out a long breath. “I’m not sure. On one hand, this band was always just about having fun. It’s never been anyone’s priority. We made it work around our lives, not the other way around. So if I were to insist we keep going, that would kinda be implying a change in the dynamic. A change I’m not sure everyone is on board with.”
“Okay, and on the other hand?” Ezra prompted.
“On the other hand, we had our biggest show ever at the Barnyard when I first met you guys, and I thought we kinda killed it.”
Cole nodded as he chewed. “Sure did.”
“It was a great show,” Ezra agreed. “It was clear you guys have been doing this together for a long time. You were in sync, anticipating each other’s moves, looking totally natural. It takes years to get there.”
“Right,” I said, putting my takeout box on the kitchen island. “Which is why it would be such a goddamn shame to break up just as we’re finding our stride.”
“You don’t think Liam will feel the same way?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I think he’s enjoyed our time together, but as the pieces of his life fall into place, the band might be one that no longer fits. I know that for Mason and me, music isn’t something optional. We need it in our lives like we need blood in our veins. That’s why Mason is willing to drive for three hours each way to make practice. But I don’t want to limit his opportunities in college, either. He’s bound to meet people who could play with him there. So it really all just comes down to me and the fact that I’ll hurt the most if we break up. Isn’t it selfish of me to be worried for myself at the expense of what’s best for the rest of the guys?”
Ezra and Cole looked thoughtful as they listened to me. When I finished, Ezra reached over to place his palm on top of my hand.
“No, I don’t think it’s selfish. Do you know how many times we’ve had to rely on others in the band to pull us through tough times? We’ve been on the verge of breaking up close to a dozen times.”
My eyes widened. “Really?”
Cole gave Ezra a strange look as he confirmed what the drummer had shared. “Oh yeah. Some were more serious attempts than others, but bands disagree and fight, Adeline. It’s part of the normal lifecycle. What’s kept us together all these years is the fact that one or two people have always stepped up and been courageous enough to remind us why we do what we do and what we can yet accomplish.”
Ezra looked off to the side, as if uncomfortable. “Cole’s right. You can’t control how the rest of them will react, of course, but I think you owe it to them and to yourself to say what you really think.”
My tattoo itched on my biceps, as if in support of their words.
