Page 100 of Endless Depths

“So how long has this all been going on?” I tighten one arm around him and use my other hand to manage the throttle.

“How long haswhatbeen going on?” he asks, all coy and adorable.

“You and Finn.”

“Oh my god. Did Shay tell you?”

“No. Finn didn’t either.”

“He’s probably worried about hurting your feelings. We really need to talk to him about how selfless he is. The red flags were there when he was a toddler. Not a single tantrum.”

I laugh. “I’ll talk to him. Or maybe we both should. We can tell him that we’re back together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Sunshine. I’m all in.”

“I’m all in, too.”

“I know you are, but thank you for the reassurance.” I kiss his neck and slide one hand under his shirt. “Mm. You’re so warm.”

He squirms deliciously on my lap. “Hey. Don’t steal my body heat.”

“I thought when we got married, what’s yours became mine and vice versa?”

“Sorry, babe. That only applies to sharing clothes or me stealing your conditioner.” But he doesn’t remove my hand.

We fall silent again, watching the waves.

“I didn’t tell you about Finn because I didn’t want you to think I only started talking to him to get you back,” Cole says. “Thank you for telling me how abandoning Finn would affect him later. I thought it would hurt him less in the long run if I stayed away, but I was just being selfish.” He swallows audibly, and sniffs. “Every time I talk to him, I realize how much comfort I could have given him, and it kills me that I didn’t help him when he needed me. I’m so ashamed of myself. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

“Cole...”

He shakes his head. “There’s nothing you can say.”

“Maybe if you come with us to grief counseling, it will help.”

“I doubt that.”

His response is what I expected. Cole never saw a therapist until I dragged him to Dr. Evans. I wasn’t big on therapy either, but the child psychologist assigned to me after my parents died taught me so many coping skills.

When you come from parents who didn’t know how to regulate their emotions, you need a professional to help you learn how to break the cycle. Dan Morrissey was no role model.

“But I want to go to therapy,” Cole continues. “For Finn, I mean. I want to support him as well as you do, even if I have to listen to a counselor tell me how much I fucked up.”

“She’s not going to tell you that. She may even help you forgive yourself.”

“Finn and I are so lucky to have you. I haven’t been the most stable presence. Or any presence. Thanks for looking out for him when I couldn’t.”

“Anytime, Sunshine.”

He goes quiet, but his thoughts are loud, whatever they are. Eventually, he asks, “Do you think he’ll hate me one day when he learns that Seb died saving me?”

“He already knows that. To him, his dad is a hero. You’re his hero too.”

Cole says nothing as I nudgeBriar’snoseback into the waves.

“Earlier, you talked to us about bottling things up,” I say.