Page 101 of Endless Depths

He tenses in my lap. “Yeah?”

“It made me wonder how much you’ve let yourself think about what happened.”

“Watch that wave,” Cole says.

Unlike Seb, Cole never backseat drives, which means he’s definitely trying to change the subject.

“Cole,” I prod.

“You’re right. I blocked out most of that night and the months after.”

“Start there, then. Let your mind drift where it wants to, even if it hurts. Talking to me and the guys will help too.”

“I’ll try.”

“Good.”

We fall silent again. My vision blurs. I blink slowly. The warm wheelhouse and the comfort of Cole pressed against me like we’re spooning is the perfect recipe for sleep.

“Here, let me take over,” Cole says, climbing off my lap. “You’re doing that slow breathing thing you do right before you fall asleep.”

I yawn. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Go get some rest, and I’ll join you in a few hours.”

“Thanks.” I trade places with him, then kiss his cheek. I pause at the top of the stairs. “Hey, Sunshine?”

He glances over his shoulder. “Hm?”

“Finn has already forgiven you. Seb would have forgiven you too. All that’s left is you.”

TWENTY-EIGHT

Cole

Over the next week,we fall into a familiar grind. When Morgan and I aren’t working, sleeping, or fucking, we plan the changes to theBriar, and our life on land.

I still miss Seb, and I haven’t forgiven myself yet, or at least not fully. But in the quiet hours I spend alone in the wheelhouse, I’ve started to process what happened. The memories hurt to poke at. Sometimes they hurt worse than my injuries. But I’m trying.

I even let myself think about the years before Seb died, all the times he took care of me like a father. I feel the memory of his hand resting on my shoulder. Sometimes I feel him holding my hand when I grip the throttle. I let myself remember every profound moment from our childhood, all the times he protected me, the fun we had, the things he taught me. But I don’t wallow.

Returning to the ocean was what I needed. I feel closer to him here. Returning to the boat fixed what I broke with Morgan.

I’ve always loved theBriar. Hell, I’ve considered her more my home than any I’ve lived in on land, but now she feels like a family member. I found my way back to my husband on theBriar, to myself, to my friends, and I’m going to make sure our found family sticks together, even as our lives change.

The morning before we set what will hopefully be our last string of traps feels like the perfect time to tell the crew about the changes we want to make, especially with the ocean calm enough that I can turn on autopilot and focus on the conversation.

Morgan stands behind the captain’s chair, resting a claiming hand on my shoulder, thumb stroking me soothingly. The stairs creak under heavy feet and the guys file into the wheelhouse armed with coffee mugs.

I look up at the picture of Seb pinned to the wooden beam, then to them. “Thanks for meeting me up here.”

Lawrence drops into the co-captain’s chair on the other side of the wheelhouse and perches his feet on the dashboard. “What is this, a staff meeting?”

“Sort of,” I say.

Javi leans against the wall beside the staircase and crosses his arms over his chest. The only eye contact he makes is with the ocean through the front windows.

“There are a few things I need to say that are long overdue,” I begin. “First of all, thank you. For so many things. For even showing up this season. For saving me last year.” I swallow. “Thank you for saving my husband, and for trying so hard to find Seb.”