Page 25 of Freeze Frame

I almost hated how he said everything without sounding judgmental. It would have been easier and less awkward if he’d have yelled or something. If he’d called me names and thrown me out, at least I would know for sure where we stood.

“Yeah, it is,” I confirmed. I wasn’t River with him. I wasn’t some sort of made-up personality who would do things that I didn’t mind, but didn’t enjoy, all for the sake of a shot.

David had shown me the kind of pleasure I deserved. Enthusiasm. To him I wasn’t a job or a box on a list that someone wanted to check off. I was someone he’d seemed genuinely interested in. Enthusiastically, even, if last night was anything to go by.

And now… I could barely look at him.

“I should go,” I said, standing up. My keys and my wallet were still in my pockets so all I had to do was grab my dog and go. I went out the back door—it was still open, letting the last of the smoke dissipate. I thought for sure David would let me leave without a word, but he followed me outside.

“You don’t have to go,” he told me. We stood shoulder to shoulder, watching Wally and Nitro horse around in the grass, quietly growling and wrestling.

“I should. I think we both could use some space, you know.” I glanced over at him, trying to get a read on his expression without getting caught. I called Nitro over to me, and Wally came too, hot on his heels. Scooping Nitro up into my arms, I used him as a buffer, and I finally turned to face David.

“I’ll call you,” he said. “Or you can call me. Whenever. Day or night.”

David moved to kiss me, ignoring Nitro, panting in my arms. I wasn’t strong enough to let him and I dodged, kissing his cheek instead.

I couldn’t let myself kiss him because I wouldn’t want to stop and there was no way we could keep going. There was no way he’d want to. He’d probably text a couple of times and then remember that I’d fucked his son once upon a time, and that’s the last I would hear from him. Eventually, he’d erase me from his memory.

I’d always remember him and the way he touched me, kissed me, fucked me. The way he’d felt snuggled up against me, falling asleep in seconds and leaving me alone to bask in the comfort of his embrace. If I were lucky, I’d hear about him through Jax from time to time.

Fuck my whole entire life.

THIRTEEN

DAVID

Tidyingmy kitchen was easier than trying to sort through the mess my head was in. Josh was River, someone Jax had mentioned to me more than once. Jax had a lot of friends in the industry, practically everyone he came in contact with. I’d have liked to take more credit than I deserved for how he turned out, but Jax had always been an easy guy to like. Even as a kid, he was never short on friends.

Had I bothered to meet his friends, I wouldn’t have been put in this position. Then again, were Jax and Josh—River—Josh? The dual identities made my head hurt, and I decided right then that, to me, he was Josh. That’s how he’d introduced himself. That’s how he’d meant to carry on with me.

It was possible that he wasn’t ever going to tell me about that part of his life, but I didn’t think so. Josh told me other, deeply personal things, so it was hard to believe that he’d planned to keep this from me forever. Maybe I was a fool. A lonely old man who was all too eager to give his young lover the benefit of the doubt.

I mulled this over while I set my kitchen to rights, the scent of burnt bacon still hanging in the air. The events of the morning had given me a lot to think about, and I couldn’t do it standing around my kitchen, feeling lost. Wally paced around the room, his nails clicking softly on the floor.

Making up my mind to get out of the house and get some fresh air, I slipped into the bedroom, hating and loving that it still smelled like us. I didn’t want to linger, though, and I made quick work of dressing in jeans and an old t-shirt. Once Wally’s leash was clipped to his collar and my shoes were on, I left the house.

I drove to my favorite diner, a little family run place with killer waffles. I just wanted a coffee this morning, something to drink while I walked Wally. Leaving him in the vehicle, I dipped inside. The diner was busy, as usual, and I walked straight up to the counter where Ethan ran things for the moment as his servers buzzed around the room.

“David, long time no see. Take a seat. Do you want a menu?” Ethan was another single dad, but he’d had his hands full with three boys. Our paths had crossed from time to time over the years. We weren’t close, but we were friendly.

“No, just a coffee to go. I have my dog in the car so I can’t stay.”

Ethan grabbed a to-go cup and filled it most of the way with coffee, leaving room for me to add cream and sugar if I wanted. “You got a dog? Do you have pictures?”

He slid the coffee across the counter, and I passed him a bill.

“You can keep the change. But, yeah, I haven’t had him long. He’s a rescue.”

“Do you have pictures?” Ethan asked again, his eyes lighting up.

“Of course I have pictures.” I pulled my phone out, stomach sinking at the lack of messages from Josh or Jax, but I shovedthat feeling aside and opened my camera roll. “This is Wally. He’s probably four or five, the vet guesses. He was a rescue from a rescue, if you can believe it. One of those backyard places that mean well, but before they know it, they’ve bitten off more than they can chew.”

“He’s cute. What kind of dog is he?”

“A mix of terriers, I think. Unless I want to pay for a doggy DNA test, that’s all I know.”

“Well, he’s cute as hell, whatever he is. Tell him I said so. I’d go out and see him, but this place is madness today.” Ethan shot me an apologetic smile and excused himself to deal with a new arrival.