Page 34 of Freeze Frame

“Lay ‘em on me.”

“Why did you watch my work?”

“Well, I hadn’t planned on it, but I was talking to Jax when you hadn’t texted me back. He wanted to know how things were between us, and I’d needed someone who knew what your job was like to talk to. He told me that the only way to know if I had a problem with you being with other people was to see you with other people. And if I couldn’t stand it now, there was no way I’d be able to get over it in the future.” I stared down at my lap,then at his and I watched the way he petted Nitro, and I wished it were me in his lap with his gentle hands on me like that.

“And what did you learn?”

I learned that Josh spoke quietly when he was feeling vulnerable. I learned that he wasn’t above using his dog as a security blanket and a shield. I learned that Josh was made of softness, even though his life hadn’t always been that way. Instead of cynical, he was considerate. Cautious instead of caustic. I didn’t know half of what he’d been through, but I’d seen lesser men let the effects of a bad thing change them into a bad person. Not Josh.

“I learned that you’re dangerous on camera.”

He smirked at me. An eyebrow arched. “Oh yeah? I’ve never heard myself described that way before.”

“You made Joey cry with that giant pink cock.” I couldn’t keep the laughter from my voice. It was part awe, part fear, all want. I craved Josh before, but watching him with those men, knowing what he could do to me if I let him, made me weak.

“That was a fun day, I’ll admit.”

“I learned that you let them do things that you don’t mind for the sake of a good shot or whatever. Or maybe you don’t want to speak up, but I watched you endure things. Like that one guy with the nipple fetish. I swear to God I thought he was going to pull them right off your chest.”

Josh winced and his eyes flashed with a sudden rush of emotion.

“And that’s partly how I know it’s a job to you. It’s the way you are with them that tipped me off.”

“And how am I, with them?”

“You’re pretending. You move differently. You use different facial expressions.” I scooted closer and held my hand out, palm up. Josh stared down at it for a moment before slipping his hand into mine.

“I know what you look like when you’re enjoying yourself. I studied your face when you were drowning in pleasure. I don’t have a photographic memory, but I won’t ever forget the way you look when you come apart and all of you is in it.”

Nitro, maybe sensing the sudden shift in atmosphere, jumped off Josh’s lap.

“They might have had your body, but I had more than that, and you can’t tell me otherwise. I saw you, Josh.”

His gaze flicked up and met mine, hope swimming close to the surface of his glassy eyes.

“I see you.”

Josh nodded, then let out a shaky breath. “And the playlist?”

“Did you want to listen to it together, and I can tell you why I chose the songs I did?”

“I’d like that. But first, I think we should address the elephant in the room.” Josh stared at me, unwavering. He tipped his chin up, his jaw set. “Jax.”

“What about him?”

“I’ve had sex with your son.”

“I’m aware that you had worked with him before, yes. And I think that’s my only stipulation of continuing to see you. I’d never try to tell you who you can and can’t work with, but it would be hella fucking awkward if you worked with my son right now. Or ever again.” I couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled out of me. I was truly okay with the fact that once upon a time they’d had sex. I just needed it to never happen again. Not that Jax would do that to me, or put Josh in that position for that matter. But I still liked having the assurance.

“I think that goes without saying.” Josh rolled his eyes, but he didn’t seem annoyed by my stipulation. “I just… it seems too good to be true that you’d really be okay with what I do for a living.”

“Well, that’s why I chose the first song.”

Josh looked down at the playlist. “It’s My Lifeby Bon Jovi reminds you that I’m a sex worker?”

“No, it reminds me that your life is your own. You can choose to be with me, or you can choose to not be with me. You’ve made it this far living your life your way, and who am I to meet you, like you, and then try to change you? Your job is your job. It’s what you do, not who you are. I can’t say that I’ll never feel jealous, but I can promise not to be a shit about it.”

“And song number two? I’m surprised you know who Alan Walker is.”