Page 6 of Freeze Frame

There was a hint of mischief about Josh that made me think that maybe he was walking the line between fact and fiction.

“Everyone has daddy issues. I never knew mine. He took off when I was just a baby. Mom raised me all by herself. Never gave me any siblings. And yeah, she loves me, but growing up I got the impression that she raised me out of duty not love. She’s retirednow and lives in Florida with few friends. We talk every so often, but we’re not exactly close.”

I wasn’t going to ask him about his parents. I knew from listening to Jax that not everyone had great parents, and sometimes family was a sore subject with people. But Josh offered up his story anyway. Maybe it was a tit for tat kind of thing that made him feel comfortable enough to tell me.

“My parents hate my guts. My sister is probably the only reason I’m still alive, and I think sometimes she knows it too. She can be overbearing, but she means well.”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I thought better of my words as they left my mouth, but it was too late to snatch them back. Thankfully, for whatever reason, Josh seemed to appreciate the insanity that came out of my mouth and he laughed again.

“Ain’t that the truth. Violet has two main goals in life. One, to run the best doggy day care she possibly can, and two, to drive me absolutely batshit crazy. And now that I have little Nitro here, I drop him off there when I can’t have him with me, and then I have to deal with her when I pick him up.” Josh winced. “That makes it sound bad. And it’s not. I love Vi, but she’s a lot sometimes.”

“Can you leave him home alone? Wally here doesn’t seem to mind much. I was concerned at first, but I bought one of those pet camera things so I could keep an eye on him and he mostly just sleeps.”

Josh shook his head. “Nitro gets separation anxiety. And when he gets anxious, he barks. And barks and barks and barks. I can’t leave him home alone or my neighbors will probably murder us both.”

“I wonder if he’d get anxious if he and Wally were left alone together? If not, you’re always welcome to drop him at my place. I know you love your sister, but family can be tough sometimes.

“And how do you propose we find out if they’d be okay together by themselves?”

“Well, I figured that I could take you out on a proper date. One with dinner and maybe drinks. If you’re a movie buff, we can see a show, or if you’re not, there’s this little museum slash art gallery that I like to go to.” I ran my hand through my hair, so fucking nervous I bet Josh could see my body tremble.

Was I really doing this? Was I really asking Josh out on a proper date?

“If you say yes, you have to cut me some slack if my dating skills are a bit rusty. It’s been a while.”

“Well, I’ll say yes, but you have to promise me that you’ll cut me slack for my non-existent dating skills. I haven’t really dated much. When I was younger, I had a bunch of different reasons. I had a lot going on. And now that I’m older, it’s just not something I’ve entertained the idea of. But… I’d really like to have dinner with you.”

“Then it’s a date. Are you free next Friday night? I know that’s a ways away, but I need time to find something to wear.”

“Whatever you choose will be just fine.” Josh raked his gaze over my body, appreciation evident in his expression. “But for the sake of not making an ass of myself, what’s the dress code?”

“Oh, nothing fancy. Casual but nice will be just fine. We’re not going anywhere that’s too particular. Before I get too ahead of myself, though, are you allergic to anything or on any special diets? I don’t want to make, say, seafood reservations and then find out you’re allergic to shellfish.”

“Anything I don’t eat won’t kill me if I do, but I eat just about anything. So whatever you choose is fine.”

It was hard to stop smiling after that, something that Josh didn’t seem to have a problem with himself. And it made me wonder if he was really into this date as much as I was. But I wasn’t about to ask him if he was and jinx the whole thing.

If he was interested, he’d show up on Friday night and we’d test run leaving our dogs alone together. We’d have dinner, and maybe I’d get to kiss him goodnight.

If I was lucky.

FOUR

JOSH

Holy shit.If I got any more worked up about this date, I was going to literally fall apart. It wasn’t hard to imagine what David saw in me. I was young and attractive—I knew this. And he seemed to like my company. We’d spent the week chatting over text, keeping conversation light and fun and never dipping into anything too personal the way we’d done when we were in person.

So I hadn’t told him about the reason my parents hated me, but I’d still told him they did. It was more than I told most people. The hard part would be when it came time to tell him that I was trans. David didn’t give off bad vibes. There were some people I met who immediately made me feel unsafe with the way they scrutinized my body and my mannerisms. Both were things I worked on to help me pass. I spent a bit of time almost every day working out. Mannerisms were harder in some ways and easier in others.

I’d trained myself to walk, talk, and act like the man I’d always been on the inside. But sometimes I still felt like peoplelooked at me and all they saw was the girl I used to be even if they never knew me before. I realized that I couldn’t control other people’s reactions, no matter how hard I tried to pass, but it sucked to work up the courage to tell someone and then have them immediately look at me differently. Too many men had narrowed their gazes, as if squinting would give them a magic mirror into my past.

David didn’t give off any of those vibes, though. He seemed settled in who he was. In fact, I’d rarely met a man so comfortable in his own skin. He’d rocked up to the dog park wearing faded, well-worn jeans that fit him like an old friend would. Yeah, he’d been a bit awkward here and there, but he didn’t let it stop him from asking me out to dinner. He owned his nerves in a way that made him even more charming.

I didn’t think he’d have a problem with me being trans, and the older I’d gotten, the less I cared about what people thought. But I cared about what David thought.

I hadn’t been exaggerating about Nitro’s separation anxiety, though. I had to take him wherever I went, and today that happened to be Hannah’s for dinner, some wine, and some dating advice.

Hannah was a good friend. We’d met early in both of our transitions and had hit it off. There was something special about having a friend who just fucking understood without having to have everything explained to them. Sure, our journeys were vastly different, but the destination was the same. Happiness. That’s all we wanted, in the end.