“Beck is a romantic, okay? His whole life he’s had this family who has this amazing love story: his grandparents, his parents, his sister who just got engaged. Love is important to him. Family, commitment, trust,” he says slowly and waits till I look him in the eye, “is important to him.”
Alright. I get what he’s trying to say.
“I don’t want you to break his heart. That’s why I don’t know if I want you to date him. Not because he’s my best friend. Hell, Cals, my best friend and my sister— that would be amazing. But he’d fall for you, and I—”
“I know.”
I drop into the closest seat and brush away a tear that has snuck out. Simon takes a seat next to me and puts his hand on mine.
“I’m assuming that since he asked and you smiled silly when I mentioned it, something is already going on.”
I only nod.
“Does he know, then? Because I know you well enough to know that you’ve never had a relationship because you don’t like to share this with anyone. You never talk about it.”
I look up into my brother’s eyes and start to cry. He pulls me into a hug and rubs his hand down my back.
“Shh, shh, it’s going to be okay. I love you, Calla, and I’m not saying you two couldn’t have it all together, but Cals, he needs to know everything. Sooner rather than later.”
I suck in a breath and swipe the tears away.
Beck could walk through that door at any moment, and I don’t need him to see me like this. I’m going to tell him. I am. But I sure as heck am not going to tell him after he’s found me crying in my brother’s arms.
I’m not sure if there is a right way to say it, but if there is, this isn’t it.
No matter how I choose to tell him, the fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, I can’t have kids. A future with me is just that. Me.
It’s a big choice for someone to make, and I hate that being with me takes that choice from them.
But this is Beck. I’m falling for him. I have to tell him.
I just don’t know how.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
BECK
It’s crazy how one day you can barely know a person, then you spend a few weeks together and suddenly, you feel like you’ve known them your whole life. Like you know everything about them.
I feel that with Calla. Like there was never a time in my life when I didn’t know her. So right now, while we’re sitting on the couch watching Wednesday on Netflix and she isn’t cuddling me like she normally does, I know something is wrong. I also know that Calla isn’t the kind of person to just come right out and say what’s bothering her.
Still, I have to try.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, pulling her legs onto my lap and starting to rub her feet.
She nods.
Not exactly the answer I was looking for.
“Dinner was amazing,” I say, and again, she nods. “Should we go get ice cream?”
“I’m still pretty full from dinner,” she says, her focus never straying from her iPad.
Jeez. Earning anything other than a brush-off answer is like pulling teeth. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I shouldn’t say more. I shouldn’t keep asking her questions. If she says she’s fine, she’s fine. She’s going to remain fine until she’s ready to talk to me about whatever is on her mind.
Think, Beck, what did she do today? She woke up, we ate breakfast, and she let me kiss her. She let me touch her. She worked most of the afternoon from home. Her girls came over. Then her brother came over while she was cooking and… oh, shit. Did Simon say something to her? When I talked to him the other night, he didn’t seem upset by the idea, but he was a little weird in how he responded.Take it slow.It felt like there was a hidden meaning behind it, but I didn’t press him for obvious reasons.
Maybe she told him everything?
