Page 77 of The F*ck-It List

“Are you going to tell her about…?” He trails off knowing my tolerance for real talk is close to its limit, wanting to know the answer without saying words that might tip me over the edge.

No. I don’t want to tell her about things that still make me angry and bring down the mood she so effortlessly lifts. I don’t want to taint this pretty new thing with ugly memories, and I’m more than happy to leave the past in the past. The stack of angry debt collection letters in my fruit bowl be damned.

“She doesn’t need to know right now,” I say, pushing peas around my plate to keep my hands busy. “It’ll come up when it comes up.”

I can tell he wants to argue but he obviously thinks better of it, letting out a long breath and shaking his head. He probably wants me to ask him what his clear disappointment is about, but I don’t want to keep this conversation going, so I eat. Eli goes about his busying around, serving other customers, and effectively ignoring me. His disappointment is a weight on my chest, made worse when I look down at Darcy, lying at the foot of my barstool, and he’s looking up at me with the same judgment I’m getting from my friend.

“You seen Ross Purcell around at all?” I grumble, trying to change the subject. “He’s not giving you any jip, is he?”

“No.” Eli sighs. “Don’t worry about Ross and don’t worry about me. It’s ancient history.”

I nod once and watch for any sign of a lie on Eli’s face, but he seems relaxed enough and I decide to let it lie. I only get one text from Bea all night and it’s just a kissing face emoji. It’s enough for now. Bea has decided to do a grand opening tomorrow, and the village is going to be swarmed with tourists. I’ve kept my day clear to help Bea if she needs it, which she definitely won’t with Connor by her side, but I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy watching her in her element tomorrow.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell Eli as I slide of the stool, Darcy standing and shaking himself awake.

“Yeah,” he says with a tight smile. He’s still disappointed, but he’ll get over it. This isn’t something he can rush me on, and he knows it.

I head home, settling in for the night and playing a quick game with Con online. He spends the whole time talking into my headset about the grand opening tomorrow rather than his usual brand of nephewly love whereby he roasts my controller skills to smithereens. I smile the whole time; the kid is still kind of adorable at times.

It’s gone ten when I switch everything off and starts up the stairs for bed, but not halfway up, there’s a knock at my door. I smile to myself, a fizzle of excitement starting in my belly. Bea is probably tipsy and horny, knocking late at night, hoping I’ll take care of her. Which I always will.

I head back down and swing the door open, a quip ready on the tip of my tongue until I see what awaits on the other side. That bubbling excitement turns to roiling nausea, hope and levity shrouded by impending doom. For a brief second, while I stare in shocked silence, I think of Eli and how he’d probably give me a big, fat I told you so if he were stood with me right now. Because it’s not my sunshine waiting for me, it’s a ghost from my recent past. The one who’d turned out the light.

twenty-five

No. 6: Open a book themed cafe

Bea

When someone is knocking at my door at seven in the morning, I’m pretty sure it can only be August, probably making some sweet gesture to wish me luck on today’s—completely unnecessary but highly anticipated—grand opening. I’m up and ready, just about to head over to the café to get baking today’s menu so I skip to answer, only to find Cas waiting the other side. I’m frozen in shock, then overcome with emotions, bursting into tears and thanking Maybelline for the waterproof mascara I have on.

“Oh my god!” I rush them, flinging my arms around their neck, stretching on tippy toes because of the height difference. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re having a grand opening,” they say like it answers everything. “I told you I wanted to help when I could.”

“Did you travel over night?” I ask, pulling away and wiping under my eyes.

“We got up at the ass-crack of dawn.”

“We?”

“Hello.” Another person comes into focus, standing behind Cas. I recognise the head of curls and pretty smile.

“Ah,” I say, giving Cas a conspiratorial smile. “I finally meet water cooler Nina,”

Cas pinches under my arm, making me yelp, but Nina just laughs lightly and holds out a hand. “Hi, I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Ditto,” I say shaking her hand and smiling like a proud mother.

“Oh Jesus,” Cas huffs, pushing past me to make their way into the cottage. “I figured we can stay here as you have a hot lumberjack to shack up with.”

“Ooh, hot lumberjack?” Nina gives me a pump of her dark brows as she passes me into the cottage. “Tell me more.”

“He’s not a lumberjack.” I laugh. “Although it will be coming up in my fantasies now.”

“You are welcome.” Cas beams.

I smile back, shaking my head. “I can’t believe you’re here.”