Page 35 of Heaven on Earth

“That’s the spirit,” Dad said.

“Do you want us to go with you?” Mom asked.

I shook my head. “This is something I need to do alone. I’ll be back, but don’t be surprised if I’m gone for a few hours. I need to do it right this time and I don’t care how long it takes.”

I marched out of my apartment, leaving my poor parents alone to await my return anxiously. As difficult as it was to come to terms with my sexuality, it was even more difficult to imaginea world where I still loved Ciel, but he didn’t love me back. It hurt more than any physical wound possibly could have.

I got to Ciel’s house well after dark, and since the streetlights ended about a block away from his home, I couldn’t see where I was going at all. I tripped when I stepped up onto the curb, stubbing my toe on the hard cement.

“Shit,” I mumbled, hobbling along the sidewalk until I got close enough to Ciel’s porch to grab the railing. “This was a terrible idea. I should never have come here at this hour.”

Ciel must have heard the commotion outside because just as I was about to peek in one of the windows to see inside the softly lit home, the front door opened and he stepped onto the porch. He looked magnificent in his all-white garb, wings as fluffy and soft as ever, his hair glowing silvery in the moonlight.

“Is someone there?” he asked calmly, glancing around till his gaze landed on me.

I wanted to shrink back into the wood planks that made up the porch. If I could have worked up the courage to run away, I would have, but I was too nervous to do anything but remain frozen in place.

“Ah, Ryan, what brings you out here tonight? Did your parents somehow manage to kick you out of your own apartment?”

I bristled, standing up a little straighter. “No, why would they?”

Ciel rolled his eyes. “Relax, I was only joking.”

“You’re right,” I sighed, “I’m just a little tense. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. Please, come inside.”

I hesitated. “Are you sure you want to let me in?”

“Of course. I would be a terrible friend not to allow you into my house on a cold night like tonight.”

Friend. Was that how he saw me now?

I followed him inside and sat down on the sofa, taking a deep, shaky breath while I waited for him to join me.

“Ciel, there’s something I need to tell you,” I said after he’d positioned himself on the seat beside me, a healthy distance between us.

“Yes?”

“I…I know I’m not straight.”

He nodded slowly. “I see.”

“You already know that, of course, but I’ve finally accepted it myself. And there’s something else I need to tell you.”

Ciel smiled a little more cooly than I would have hoped after such a soul-bearing confession from me. “Go on.”

“I’m in love with you.”

His smile faded, his eyes growing sad. “Ryan, I don’t think you should–"

“I’m serious. I mean every single word of it. I love you. I love your wings and your hair and your eyes and…and…I love being with you. I love waking up in bed next to you. I can’t imagine life without you anymore.”

He didn’t speak for a long time. He just sat on the sofa, staring at me with those soul-boring eyes, as though he were waiting for me to change my mind.

“So you do,” he said quietly after what had to have been minutes of silence.

I took a shaky breath. “If you don’t feel the same way, I understand entirely. I’ve been awful to you, and no one should have to put up with being tossed aside because the other person is afraid to face reality.”