Page 41 of Fish Out of Water

There was contempt in his voice, not for Jake, but for himself, for his own foolishness in allowing Jake to get to him.

“I’m sorry,” Jake said. It was all he could think to say. “I know I was kind of being a dick last night, harassing you at the bar…”

“Oh, that. No, I don’t care about that. I’m upset right now because we took things too farafterthe bar. We should never have given in so easily.”

“Youshouldn’t have, you mean. You were the one who kissed me.”

The vision was back, and stronger than ever. Robbie’s palm was pressed against the fly of Jake’s jeans, the heel of it grinding in as his lips caught onto Jake’s skin and he pulled and sucked and nibbled. The heat between them was palpable, radiating out even against the cold of that rough brick wall.

“Don’t blame me for all this,” Robbie said, pointing a finger at Jake. Jake looked down at it, then back up at Robbie. “You’re part of this whole mess too. You’re a fucking idiot if you believe otherwise—we both are, me for expecting you to actually have a brain for once and you for, well, being you.”

Jake didn’t bother fighting back. Robbie’s insults weren’t meant to get under his skin, and even if they were, they would have failed miserably. “Okay, well, since you’re the all-knowing genius here, what are we supposed to do now?”

Robbie stripped his gloves off and threw them down. Then, as though he’d just used up his last bit of energy, he slumped his shoulders defeatedly and sat down in the sand to watch thewaves roll in. “We’ve gotten through one month of awkward work together. We can get through another one, no problem.”

Jake planted himself down beside Robbie. “You really think that?”

“Yes.” There was a waver in his usually confident voice.

“And what about after I finish my hours? I’m not leaving town just yet. We’ll still see each other around, and we’ll have moments when we’re alone, and…” Jake trailed off. He hated imagining what they might find themselves doing if they were alone for long enough—like now, on the empty shore. “No, you’re right. We can live with it. We’ll pretend it never happened.”

Robbie turned to look at him. “You really are starting to sound like me.”

“Great, so now you’re rubbing off on me.” The silence was palpable. “Sorry, bad choice of words.”

Robbie ran his hands over his face. “This is unbearable,” he said. “I mean, really, Jake, we’re two grown men. It shouldn’t be this complicated to work through our issues with each other.”

“This would’ve been easy to move past if you’d just had sex with me when I first got into town,” Jake said.

“It would not, and you know that.”

“It would’ve cut the tension.”

“Or made it worse.”

They sat in aquatic peace for a little while. The gentle, rhythmic sloshing of the waves took Jake back to the blessed silence that broke through when he rushed out of the gay bar last night. He closed his eyes. He was back up against that wall, the bricks scratching the back of his neck, Robbie’s breath hot on his throat. He’d been in that position so many times before with other men. What about Robbie was different?

Jake studied Robbie carefully, his perfect, milky skin practically glowing in the dying light. If he’d told Jake right thenthat he was immortal—a demon sent from Hell to punish Jake for all his sins—Jake would have believed him wholeheartedly.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Jake said finally. “I need to fuck you, Robbie. I need to know what it’s like before I leave here.”

“Then you’ve got a few months,” Robbie said, trying and failing to keep his tone light. “Do it right before you’re gone forever, for Mier’s sake. Maybe then you’ll have changed your mind, and I’ll never have to think about you again.”

“No, I mean here, on this beach, tonight.”

Robbie sighed heavily. It wasn’t the reaction Jake wanted at all. “Please don’t do this to me, Jake.”

“You wanted me last night.”

“I…” He was backed into a corner, and the pitiful expression on his face told Jake he knew as much. “I wanted to wallow in my misery last night. You were the perfect man to do that with. But that was then, not now. It’s different after a few hours of sleep and a full day to think about how stupid I was being.”

Jake smiled. His fingers dug into the sand, getting under his nails. “Hot and cold, right?”

Robbie squeezed his eyes shut, as though Jake’s words had inflicted physical pain upon him. When he opened them again, he allowed a faint smile to cross his lips just long enough for Jake to catch it. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“Probably,” Jake said. “Honestly, we’ll probably both regret it. But I’m gonna be gone soon enough, and we’re wasting a good opportunity if we don’t. If you think about it, it’s kinda perfect.”

“Perfect.” Robbie chuckled darkly. “Yeah, right. Perfect. Are you sure you’re not trying to justify your feelings to yourself, Jake? Because it sounds like…”