Page 28 of All I Feel

I grinned at him before we made our way to the couch. And for the next hour and a half, Ace and I talked. Therewasn’t any groundbreaking conversation. It was mostly the two of us reminiscing about the days when we were younger and life was simpler.

I loved it. And it was much more fun than I figured losing at a board game for the third time would be.

EIGHT

TESSA

Dizziness.

Painful tightening in my throat.

The inability to breathe.

This was worse than I ever could’ve imagined. Coming face-to-face with the man who’d been unfaithful to me was one of the most difficult things I’d done.

Hurt. There was no question Ryan could sense the hurt I was experiencing, and I hated that. I didn’t want him to know he’d had that kind of power over me, not after what he’d done.

All of my emotional preparation for this encounter with him had been for nothing. Before Ryan had arrived, I’d done everything I could think of. Shoving my hands into my pockets to give off the sense of calm. Rolling my shoulders back and even yawning while I waited for him to show up in hopes that it’d make me appear the picture-perfect image of indifference.

That was the best I could’ve hoped for. I would’ve rather Ryan saw me looking completely unbothered by his appearance instead of having the trembling in my stomach take over. It was too much. The nerves. The anticipation.

So, I tried to prepare for this.

And the second Ryan was standing in front of me, none of it mattered. Now, every word I’d rehearsed, every question I’d memorized, had vanished. Looking at him, I could only hear those words that woman said to him. I could only see a liar.

“Tessa, babe, I’m?—”

“Don’t call me that,” I seethed, holding my palm up toward his face. “We aren’t that anymore.”

He looked like he’d been slapped in the face. “I made a terrible mistake, Tessa.”

And there it was. His confession.

I’d already known he’d cheated on me, but there was something about hearing him admit to it. “A mistake?” My voice was barely audible.

“I’m so sorry.”

“A mistake?” I repeated, my voice growing louder. “Newsflash, Ryan. A mistake is going home after a long week at work and accidentally falling asleep, causing you to miss your date with your girlfriend to celebrate her sister’s birthday. Sleeping with someone who isn’t your girlfriend isn’t a mistake. It was a choice. One you made.”

His shoulders fell. “Yes. But… You don’t understand.”

I couldn’t begin to imagine what he thought he could tell me that would make any of this okay, but there was no doubt I was intrigued. “Tell me, then. What don’t I understand? Because from where I’m standing, it seems that I had spent the entire week looking forward to seeing you, andwhen you were supposed to be with me, you were in bed with another woman.”

“You’re right. And I was wrong. I know that. I messed up.”

Disappointment moved through me. “Why? Why did you do it?”

Ryan’s eyes searched my face, and for a moment, it seemed as though he was giving me the chance to brace myself for whatever he was about to say. Since I couldn’t come up with any good explanations beyond what had already crossed my mind—Ryan never cared and only wanted one thing from me—I didn’t know what to brace myself for. And that’s when he gave it to me.

“We were together for eight months, Tessa,” he started. “It was different in the beginning. I get it. We needed time to get to know one another. But week after week of putting in the time and effort with you only led to minimal affection. Can you imagine how it was for me? I wanted to give you everything. I wanted to share everything with you. You were so easy to love, and yet, I couldn’t ever show you that in all the ways that I wanted.”

Sex.

This was about sex.

“Are you saying this is my fault because I didn’t sleep with you right from the start?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t expect it to happen immediately, but I certainly wasn’t prepared for eight whole months of nothing more than just kissing.”