Page 21 of The Midwife By the Sea

‘What will they be looking for?’ All the colour had drained out of Fern’s face now and she seemed to sway on her feet as she uttered her next words. ‘Could it be cancer?’

The muscles in Esther’s face had been pulled tight by tension, because she was so scared of accidently wearing an expression that might make Fern panic even more. The chance of it being cancer was very small, but it was still possible and it was absolutely the last thing Arlo’s mother needed to hear right now.

‘The most likely cause at Arlo’s age is something called intussusception, where the bowel telescopes in on itself and causes a blockage. The ultrasound will tell us for sure and, although it’s vital that we treat the condition as soon as possible, it’s something Arlo can make a complete recovery from.’

‘Is it because I bottle-fed him?’ Fern looked downcast. ‘I just couldn’t get on with breastfeeding. He had a tongue tie and both of us were getting so stressed.’

‘Oh no, it’s got nothing to do with Arlo being formula fed, I promise. So please don’t worry yourself about anything like that. It’s probably caused by an infection, something as simple as a cold, that makes the wall of the bowel become swollen. If it’s that, the treatment is fairly straightforward and there’s usually no recurrence of the issue. The most important thing for us to do is to get a diagnosis, so Arlo can get the treatment he needs.’

‘Thank you.’ Fern let out a sigh of relief, and Esther decided not to outline the potential treatment for intussusception to her just yet. If baby Arlo’s tests confirmed Esther’s suspicions, he’d be given an air enema to try and reverse the telescoping, but if that didn’t work, he’d need surgery. He’d also be given antibiotics and an IV to replace the lost fluids that were putting him at risk of dehydration. It was going to be a lot for Fern to witness and she could do with someone around to give her support.

‘Does anyone know that you and Arlo are here? Someone who can come and be with you?’

‘My parents are in Madeira on holiday and my husband’s a trawlerman, out on his first trip since Arlo arrived. I might be able to get my sister to come, or one of my friends, but they’ve all got young children of their own and it’s not that easy to just drop everything and come to the hospital for what might be hours on end. I’ll be okay.’ Despite her protestations it was clear that Fern needed someone and Esther was just about to try and persuade her to call a friend, when the cubicle curtain was pulled back, revealing a face she recognised.

‘Are you okay, Fern?’ The expression on Hope’s face was one of kindness. ‘I’ve just finished a delivery, so I only just got your message, and you sounded really worried.’

‘Arlo’s been very poorly and the nurse thinks he might have a blockage in his bowel. I was so frightened about what might be wrong, and I just didn’t know what to do.’ Fern still looked as white as a sheet. ‘You were so helpful and kind after he was born, and I was desperate to speak to someone who might be able to reassure me, but I couldn’t get hold of my health visitor either and I kept thinking the worst and then…’

As Fern started to cry, Hope stepped forward, wrapping her arms around the woman and uttering words of comfort, in a warm, gentle tone.

‘It’s okay, you’re safe now and Arlo’s going to be looked after. I’ll be here for you as long as you need me.’

‘You can’t do that, you’ve got work to do.’ Fern’s objections were weak and it was clear she wanted to take Hope up on her offer, despite feeling that she shouldn’t. Either way, Hope clearly wasn’t taking no for an answer.

‘The delivery I did was the end of my shift, so I’m going to stay with you until you’re sure that Arlo is okay and I’m sure that you are too.’ Hope turned towards Esther, the two women exchanging a look, united in their support of this young woman who clearly adored her little boy and had been so terrified that she might lose him. Parenthood wasn’t for the faint-hearted and yet somehow, in a way that defied explanation, moments like this made Esther long to be a mother more than ever.

12

Hope hadn’t seen Esther since the day at the hospital when they’d supported Fern and baby Arlo. Thankfully it had been intussusception, as Esther had suspected, and the treatment had been effective and straightforward. Fern’s sister had arrived about an hour and a half after Hope had got there, once her partner was home from work and her own children were settled for the night. It had meant Hope finally felt able to leave. Although she seemed to be making a habit of hanging around in the Emergency Department after her shift and she had to question what her motivation for that was. She hoped it was simply because she was trying to be the best midwife she could possibly be, but she had to admit that spending time with Esther was part of the draw. She’d enjoyed getting to know the woman who was married to her biological father a little bit better, feeling as though it had allowed her to know Joe better too as a result, and she liked them both. A lot.

After Esther had sought the advice of one of the paediatricians, who’d confirmed the diagnosis, that could have been the end of her involvement, but it wasn’t. She’d come back to check on both Fern and Arlo, more than once, and Hope had seen the longing in Esther’s eyes. She was kind and caring, and she deserved to have a baby of her own, but sadly life didn’t always work like that. It didn’t stop Hope wishing for it, though, and when she next saw Esther at the infertility support group, it was hard not to tell her that, as it may have made her seem oddly over-invested. They’d only met a handful of times and yet Hope was more fixated on Esther and Joe’s quest to become parents than she could ever have tried to explain. For a second time, she was forced to question her motivation.

She wanted Joe and Esther to have a baby for their own sake, but did she want it for her too? Was she hoping it would re-open the possibility of telling them who she was because that’s what she wanted deep down? Maybe if Esther discovered she was having a baby of her own, it would make it easier for her to accept that Joe had already fathered a child. Hope couldn’t allow herself to dwell on any of those questions when she saw Esther again. Her role at the infertility support group was to listen and be there for all the group members, in any way she could. If the only thing she could see and think about was Esther and Joe, she wouldn’t be any use to anyone. What made it even harder than usual to stop herself from dwelling on it, was the fact that Joe was sitting next to Esther, their heads pressed together, when Hope and Jess arrived at The Cookie Jar café, fifteen minutes before the group was due to start. All of Hope’s good intentions seemed to desert her and the chances of thinking about anything other than their situation suddenly seemed impossible.

‘Sorry, we were a bit early,’ Esther said, looking up at Hope and Jess as they walked in.

‘Oh goodness, don’t apologise. It’s lovely to see you both.’ The warmth of Jess’s smile matched her tone.

‘Danni’s been so good coming here with me, but she’s anaemic and worn out, and work’s been so busy.’ Esther sighed. ‘Thankfully Joe managed to switch the nights of his addiction support group.’

Hope tried to stop her eyes from widening in surprise, but she obviously didn’t quite manage it and Esther laughed.

‘Oh sorry, Joe runs the group. He isn’t one of the members.’

‘I wasn’t judging, even if he was, it’s not… I mean there’s no shame in…’ Hope couldn’t finish the sentence, tripping over her words, unsure of what to say without sounding far more concerned about Joe’s situation than she had any right to be. They’d only met once before, and as far as he and Esther knew she’d have absolutely no reason to concern herself with Joe’s personal life, let alone worry that any predisposition to addiction might be genetic.

‘Of course not.’ Joe smiled and Hope tried not to look for the same similarity she’d spotted before, that very slightly lopsided grin that made her feel a connection to the man in front of her. But she couldn’t seem to stop herself from scanning his face, and if she carried on for much longer, he was going to notice. Or Esther would, and then she’d wonder why Hope was staring at her husband with such intensity. She had to turn away, while she still could.

‘Can I get anyone a drink?’ Hope was already moving towards the counter as she spoke.

‘I can get them,’ Joe said and she turned back to see him getting to his feet. ‘Esther tells me you did another brilliant job, Hope, stepping in yet again to help a patient after your shift had already finished, the other day. The hospital really are lucky to have you. We didn’t get the chance to buy you a drink to say thank you for all your help last time, so this time I’m not taking no for an answer. And as for you, Jess,’ he continued, ‘we owe you a huge debt of thanks too for setting up this group. It’s given us a lot to think about and I’m so glad I’ve finally made it to a session.’

‘You don’t owe me anything.’ Jess shook her head, but she was smiling all the same. ‘I won’t say no to a latte though, I had a delivery today with a baby who was determined to come out feet first and it all got a bit dramatic.’

‘Can I tempt you to some cake too?’ Joe raised his eyebrows.

‘Well, it has been a long day…’ Jess grinned. ‘So if they’ve got any coffee or chocolate cake left, I won’t say no.’