Page 22 of The Midwife By the Sea

‘What about you, Hope? What can I get you?’

‘Just a chamomile tea for me, please.’

‘No problem.’ He smiled again before turning to his wife. ‘See? You said I was the only person who enjoyed chamomile tea, but clearly Hope has good taste too.’

‘All flavoured tea tastes like pot pourri with hot water in it.’ Esther wrinkled her nose. ‘I bet Hope doesn’t like liquorice tea though.’

‘I’ve never tried it, but I love liquorice pinwheels and when we had sherbet fountains as kids, my sisters used to give me their liquorice and I’d eat everyone’s. They hated it, but I couldn’t get enough,’ Hope said.

‘Looks like I’ve found a kindred spirit.’ Joe dropped a perfect wink and the words Hope had been trying so hard to push down seemed to bubble up in her throat, almost spilling out. Despite what her parents and Tabby had said during her visit home, she still wasn’t sure whether telling Joe the truth was the right thing to do. Either way, now wasn’t the right time and it definitely wasn’t the right place. Forcing herself to swallow the words back down, she was grateful when Joe moved towards the counter.

‘How are you doing, Esther?’ Jess asked, taking one of the seats on the opposite side of the table. She pulled out a chair for Hope that would leave her sitting directly opposite Joe.

‘Well, all I can say is that this Clomid better be doing something, because it’s a pretty cruel drug otherwise. It’s giving me so many symptoms that indicate pregnancy – a swollen abdomen, nausea, emotional outbursts and nipples that are suddenly so sensitive I can hardly bear to stand under the shower without cupping my boobs with my hands.’ Esther managed a wry smile. ‘But the hot flushes are even worse. One of my biggest fears when I was having the fertility tests was that they’d say I’d gone into early menopause. I remember how much Mum suffered with night sweats when she was going through that and I’ve got to admit, this is reigniting my fears.’

‘With all the tests you’ve had, they’d know already if there was any sign of early menopause. So that’s one thing you definitely don’t need to worry about.’ Jess put a hand over Esther’s for a moment.

‘Rationally I know that, but there’s not much rational about this, is there? I’d like to blame it on all the drugs I’m being pumped with, but it’s been like this ever since we started trying for a baby. Poor Joe. I suspect I’ve been a bit of a nightmare to live with and, even worse than that, Danni felt she had to lie to me about her own pregnancy. She’s my best friend and my sister-in-law and she had to tread on eggshells around me. I hate that I did that to her.’

‘I’m sure she understands. She just wanted to avoid hurting you and you shouldn’t see that as a bad thing.’ Hope felt like biting off her tongue. She had no right to interject in this conversation. She wasn’t even in a relationship, let alone trying for a baby and facing the possibility that it might never happen. She wasn’t a friend of Esther or Joe’s, she barely knew them, and yet she couldn’t have been more invested in their situation. The trouble was she couldn’t tell them why, which made what she’d said sound intrusive, and she dropped her gaze to stare at the table, waiting for Esther to brush her off, or tell her that she could never understand how hard this was. Except she didn’t.

‘Thank you, I hadn’t thought of it that way. I really hope Danni realises now that she can tell me anything, but you’re right, she was just trying to protect me and I’m lucky to have someone like her in my life.’ Esther paused for a moment and, as Hope finally looked up, she furrowed her brow. ‘Sorry, this is completely off topic, but the feeling hits me every time I see you. There’s just something about you that feels so familiar, as though we met before you came to St Piran’s. It must be because you really remind me of someone else, but I can’t put my finger on who. Are any of your family in healthcare? I’m just wondering whether I might have met one of them at another hospital. Maybe when I worked in London?’

‘One of my sisters is a junior doctor and she’s worked at lots of the London hospitals,’ Hope said, although she had no intention of explaining that Annie hadn’t been adopted with her and couldn’t possibly share a familial likeness. It was far better just to play along with the possibility.

‘Are you very alike?’ Jess asked and Hope forced herself to nod.

‘I’m definitely closer to Annie in looks than I am to my other two sisters.’ That much was true. They had a similar colouring and build, but it was down to coincidence, not genetics.

‘Hmm, maybe I did meet her.’ Esther wrinkled her nose. ‘But I can’t say I remember a junior doctor called Annie and, if she was your doppelgänger, I think she’d have stuck in my mind.’

‘I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.’ Hope laughed, grateful for the fact that Esther seemed to have moved away from trying to work out why she looked so familiar.

‘It’s definitely a compliment. Someone as pretty as you would have stuck in my mind, I’m sure of it.’

‘Maybe Hope reminds you of someone famous.’ Jess narrowed her eyes. ‘I can see a much younger Drew Barrymore, in her50 First Datesera.’

‘Really?’ Esther screwed up her nose even further.

‘I have been compared to her before,’ Hope said. It wasn’t a lie and one or two people had even commented on Hope having a similar smile to Drew Barrymore, that same very slightly asymmetrical smile that she and Joe shared. She just hoped it was enough to put Esther off the scent.

‘Maybe.’ Esther sounded sceptical, but they were saved from further discussion by the arrival of a couple of the other group members, who got in line behind Joe, still waiting for their drinks at the counter.

‘Oh, let me give you these before everyone else arrives.’ Esther leant down and pulled two thick, cream envelopes out of her bag, sliding them across the table towards Jess and Hope, their names written on the outside in gold ink. ‘They’re invitations to a baby shower I’m throwing for Danni on Saturday the sixth. I want to make it up to her for feeling as though she had to hide her baby news from me, especially after what she went through with Caleb.’

Esther had clearly seen the quizzical look that must have passed across Hope’s face, and she closed her eyes for a moment before continuing. ‘A young woman lost her own baby just before Caleb was born. She was in a terrible state and stole the hospital pass of a friend she was staying with. It allowed her to get into the maternity ward and take Caleb, while posing as a midwife.’

‘Oh my God, how awful.’ Hope drew in a breath so sharp it hurt her throat.

‘I know.’ Esther shook her head. ‘Thank goodness things were resolved quickly and Caleb was brought home, but understandably it tainted the experience of having a new baby for Danni and Charlie. So this time, more than anyone, they deserve to have the best possible experience, and I want to help make that happen for them. Especially after making it so hard for Danni to break the news about the new baby.’

‘It wasn’t you that made it hard; it was the circumstances.’ Jess’s face betrayed how deeply she understood Esther’s feelings, and Hope tried to put herself in their shoes for a moment. As hard as she tried to imagine what it must feel like to long for a baby, she knew she couldn’t really understand without having been through it too. The depth of that longing couldn’t be recreated by make-believe.

‘I hope that’s true, but either way I’m determined to make this the best baby shower I possibly can. I didn’t want to give you the invitations in front of anyone else, though. It feels a bit awkward. I’d hate the thought of causing anyone distress, seeing me handing out invitations to a baby shower.’

‘That’s so thoughtful and you can definitely count me in.’ Jess beamed, putting the envelope into her bag.

‘It really is.’ Hope closed her hand over her own envelope, weighing up whether she should say what she was about to, but she couldn’t stop herself. She didn’t want Esther to feel she had to invite Hope, just because she was helping Jess out at the group. ‘But are you sure Danni will really want me there? We’ve only met a handful of times, and I’d hate either of you to feel like you had to invite me, just because I help out here.’