Page 21 of Something like Desire

Jayden’s cheeks and neck tinge pink. He takes off his jeans and golf shirt and lies down in his striped boxer shorts on top of his comforter, one socked foot crossed over the other.

I crawl seductively across the bed and linger over him, my brown waves swinging in his face as I kiss a trail down his chest and stomach.

“I could get used to this,” Jayden murmurs, as I run my fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers.

“Have you ever done the pretzel before?” I murmur.

Jayden widens his eyes and lets out a choked-sounding laugh. “I assume that’s some kind of sex move?”

“Uh-huh,” I say, still leaning over him. I would never tell him this of course, but lately I’ve been finding sex with Jayden a bit... vanilla. If I want to keep our passion burning hot, I need to make things spicier for both of us.

Jayden surveys my face and must realize from the inquisitive expression on my face that I’m serious about the question. “I havenot...”

“Well, are you up for trying it?”

Jayden’s forehead furrows. “I mean, I love our regular positions.The pretzelsounds like an advanced move, at least the way I’m picturing it.”

“Well, let’s get advanced then, baby,” I say, leaning up slightly and taking one of his nipples in my mouth and biting down, semisoftly.

“Ouch,” Jayden cries, pulling away and rubbing his nipple and looking at me like I just killed his cat. “What was that for?”

I cringe.Oops—that didn’t go as planned. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was just a little love bite.”

“Maybe this is a bit much...” Jayden trails off, his brows raised awkwardly. “I appreciate the enthusiasm but this sex move sounds kind of pornographic.”

Pornographic? Hardly. I openly roll my eyes at him. “Well, excuse me for trying to spice things up and take the initiative. I wanted to surprise you with a wild evening.”

“Sorry,” Jayden blurts out and sits up to kiss me tenderly on the lips. “You’re right. You’re trying something new, and I should be encouraging of that. Pretzel me, baby. I’m ready.” Jayden lifts both arms and legs into the air in a very unsexy show of being up for anything.

I try to ignore that and accept his invitation to try something tantalizing. Something totally not us. “Okay. I’m going to lie on my side, and you are going to put one leg in between mine and straddle my leg while on your knees.”

Jayden starts to move but then stops and rubs his head. “I’m sorry... I can’t really conceptualize that.Whatdo I need to do?”

I lie on my side. “Now kneel beside me and slip one leg between my legs.”

Jayden awkwardly kneels between my legs and tries to straighten out his right leg. “This is some acrobatic shit,” he admits. “I feel like I’m going to pull a muscle.”

“You won’t pull a muscle,” I say, trying my best to sound encouraging. “I think you’ll be great at this.” If a pair in their early sixties have this position in their repertoire and we’re half their age, we should have no problem mastering this. “Here, I’ll show you,” I offer, leaning over the bed to lift my phone from off the floor. I scroll to the same cartoon image that Zach showed me yesterday. “Like this,” I say softly. “Do you understand now?”

“Ohhhh,” Jayden says, squinting at the picture like he’s trying to memorize it. “It’s so much easier to understand with the picture. That looks like something I can do.”

I eagerly lie on my side and Jayden assumes something similar to the position in the drawing. He slides into me, and I gasp—this angle works well. Fueled by the sound I make, Jayden continues, the rhythm of his thrusting increasing, faster and faster. His hand slides across my abdomen and he grabs one of my breasts.

Suddenly, without any warning, Zach’s face enters my mind. I’m picturing the moment when our faces were pressed together. I hear a loud moan, and it takes a few seconds to realize that it came from me.

Jayden thrusts deeply with a grunt, then shudders, lets out a sigh, and falls backward against the mattress. “That was intense.”

“Yeah,” I say brightly, but meanwhile I’m completely freaking out. Why did I think of Zach? It wasn’t like I could control it—it just happened unexpectedly.

“Sorry,” Jayden says. “I tried to hold out a little longer but that noise you made turned me on. You must really like to pretzel.”

“I do,” I say quickly. “It’s justsucha good angle.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Jayden says, lying on his back beside me and taking my hand in his. “You were right. We should try stuff like that more often. Keep it unpredictable and exciting. I liked that.”

“Me too,” I say, but I’m looking at the wall across from the bed because if I look at Jayden, I think my face will give me away. I’m disappointed in myself. For not being able to control myself, my actions, my thoughts.

The noises I make when I have those thoughts.