Page 77 of See You in Your Dreams

“But—”

“What about your dream of becoming a vet? You’ve worked too hard to throw it all away now!”

“I’m not throwing it away! Just…delaying it for a couple years.”

Confusion lines her face. “Why on Earth would you want to do something like that, honey? If you’re worried about having to work at the same time, we have your college fund set aside. That plus scholarships should go a long way, and if we have to, we can take out a student loan to cover the rest.”

“See?” I gesture emphatically, the motion almost knocking over the bag of peas. “That’s exactly what I mean! Things are hard enough here for you already. I know how tight the bills are, even with Tommy’s help.”

“We’ll get by somehow,” she says, a stubborn cast to her voice. “We have so far. Besides, that’smyproblem to figure out. You need to think about your own future.”

“I am! If I go to school now to become a vet, it’ll cost a fortune and be years before I earn a decent wage. It makes more sense to use my college fund to pay off our bills. Then, I can pitch in fora couple years and take some of the burden off you and Tommy. College will still be there later.”

Mom frowns, leaning in. “And what then? What about when we need a new car? Or the water heater breaks? What about a college fund for Patrick?”

I hesitate, and she continues her barrage. “There willalwaysbe something else to spend money on if you let there be. All we can do is prioritize as best we can in the here and now. AndIsay that your future comes first.”

Her words ring in my ears, suspiciously similar to what Ash had told me not that long ago. The familiar knot of guilt in my gut wriggles. “How is it fair that I get to run off to college while the rest of you are stuck here struggling? I don’t want you to work yourself to the bone because of me. Especially when it’s my fault we’re in this mess to begin with.”

Her expression softens. “None of our situation is your fault, honey. You can’t blame yourself for everything that goes wrong.”

“But itismy fault! I’m the one who drove Dad away. If I hadn’t come out, he’d still be here!”

Mom reels as if struck. Then, she grips my hand, her face a mask of regret even as she sets her jaw. “Your father and I’s problems started a long time before he abandoned his family for dreams of stardom. At most, your coming out offered him a convenient excuse. So, don’t you for one second put any of that burden on yourself, you hear me? You’re perfect just the way you are.”

I nod, my throat tight as my vision blurs. Mom scoots closer, and I let the bag of peasthumpto the floor as she pulls me into her arms.

“God almighty, you’re freezing!” she exclaims, making me chuckle. She cradles my head against her shoulder, reminding me of the way she used to comfort me whenever I got hurt as a kid. “I’m so sorry for putting as much on you as I have,”she whispers into my hair. “I didn’t realize how much stress you were under. But things will be different from now on—I promise.”

Heavy footfalls sound from the hallway. I pull back to see Tommy storming into the living room, his eyes narrowed and his expression unreadable.

“Come on,” he barks, grabbing my arm and yanking as he stalks past me.

I let myself be pulled to my feet, wariness warring with my confusion. “Where are we going?”

“Outside,” he replies, striding toward the front door. “We need to talk.”

“But it’s freezing outside!”

He jerks to a halt by the door and rolls his eyes. “Then, grab a coat.”

I eye him and consider resisting. After what happened last night, I’m not sure I should trust being alone with him. But he doesn’t seem angry, more just…intensein a way I haven’t really seen him before. Like he’s on a mission.

Hurriedly tugging on my coat, I follow Tommy out the front door onto the lawn. “Be safe, boys!” Mom calls after us as Tommy slams the door shut and spins, looming over me.

I stand my ground, resisting the urge to shrink back or flee. Let him say whatever he has to say to me. I’d gotten through a conversation with Mom, even if it left me more uncertain over what to do than ever. Now, it’s Tommy’s turn. I cross my arms, waiting for him to speak.

“I heard what you said to Mom. About delaying college.”

I raise an eyebrow. “And?”

“And it’s bullshit.”

An incredulous laugh bubbles out of me before I can stop it. Tommy’s eyes widen in surprise as I shake my head. “I don’t know what the hell you want from me, Tommy. I really don’t.One minute, you’re telling me I need to step up and do more for this family or complaining about how I’m not around, and the next, you’re acting like you hate my guts and can’t wait for me to leave.”

His brown eyes flick away almost guiltily, staring at a scraggly bush in the yard. He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I don’t hate you,” he mutters.

I point at my black eye. “Really? You could’ve fooled me.”