Page 72 of Breathing Under Water

It’s a reasonable thing to ask, and when I think about the answer, I feel a little calmer, centered even. Like I’m motivated and choosing to sacrifice for a reason that’s important to me.

“You know how you want to be a teacher?” I ask.

He nods.

“Once you decided it, you wanted it so much, right?”

He nods again.

“That’s how I feel about nursing. Except I’ve wanted it since I was five years old, ever since I saw the way those ladies took care of my mom when she was sick with cancer. I told my mother that no matter what, I was going to become a nurse, and I was going to help patients like her feel better, and I was going to keep their daughters from growing up without their moms. I chose this.” My feeling of empowerment keeps growing. “I didn’twant to wait. I’m already halfway to my degree, and my grades are still good. Once I graduate, I’ll be able to get a job, and then a place to live. I will be okay. And in the meantime, I will get through this. And who knows?” I stare off into the distance behind my car and envision the same scenario I’ve been dreaming of more and more frequently. “Maybe one of these days they’ll find out who really vandalized the pool, and I’ll be exonerated, maybe even get my scholarship back.”

“What pool?”

Oh, crap.

I forgot Leo doesn’t know what really happened after the swim lessons got canceled. I suppose it’s time to fill him in.

I tell him all of it, how I got fired, how I reacted inappropriately in so many ways, losing my spot on the team, losing my friends, losing my housing, and how nobody believes I wasn’t the one who poured all those toxic substances into the pool, even though it’s something I would never ever do.

When I finish, he asks, “But why don’t they just check the security cameras from the country club?”

“There was a bad storm earlier that night. It wiped out the power to the cameras, so they have no proof of who was really there.”

“Is that all you’d need? Proof of who was there that night?” He has a hopeful look in his eye that I don’t understand.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t exist, so...” I raise my hands like that’s that.

“McKenna,” Leo says, looking back in the direction we came from. “I can get you proof.”

34

Berry

January 2024

“Something’s going on with Leo,” I say as I walk into the family room.

Phil makes a couple more clicks on his laptop and then looks up at me from the sofa. Ever since he started the new job, he’s been busier than either of us expected. The good news is he’s actually making more money than he was before the supply company went belly-up. The bad news is that he seems permanently attached to his computer.

As our eyes meet, I can already hear what he’s going to say. That I was finally starting to ease up. That I should let the boy have his privacy. That Leo’s been making headway, spending time with that girl from Wunderkinds, meeting some of her friends, and that I should leave well enough alone.

“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” he says.

“You have?” I lower myself onto the arm of the couch beside him.

“Do you think it’s something to do with Tatiana?” Phil asks.

But we both shake our heads. It’s not Tatiana. She was over at the house just a few days ago, and I heard her complaining toLeo that he’s been blowing her off, spending too much time on some research he’s doing.

I relay this to Phil, who says, “Yeah, that sounds right, research. But what’s he looking into?”

“Beats me. Look, I know you said I should quit it with the snooping, but don’t you think maybe this warrants a peek through his stuff? Maybe his browser history if nothing else.”

“Definitely not.” Phil blanches. “One thing I know for sure is you should never search a teenage boy’s browser history.”

“Gross, Phil.” I shove his arm. “But I’m serious. We’re responsible for his well-being. Who knows what he’s getting into up there?”

“I think we have to trust him,” Phil says. “If we want to send him off to that college program in a year and a half, we have to start letting go. Start believing in him and letting him make his own mistakes, if that’s what this is.”