Page 1 of Retrograde

1

Sagan

“You’re not ducking my questions this time,” Benson said from my right as I snuck back onto the castle grounds.

I swallowed a yelp at the last second but almost slipped given my hold was precarious.

He was there in a flash, grabbing me and pulling me against his bigger body. “You’re literally caught this time, Sagan. Spill.”

“I don’t answer to you,” I reminded him… Which was the wrong way to handle this from the anger that filled his eyes.

Fuck.

“No, but I’m done being brushed off or having so much kept from me and thenblamedwhen shit goes wrong,” he snapped, his grasp on me tightening. “I’ve been drowning in so much fucking guilt that I’ve been—” He shut his mouth so fast that I winced as he bit his tongue.

I was close enough to smell the blood from the wound.

I almost snapped something back, but Iris about smacked me to pay attention. Really pay attention instead of always being angry as well.

And it was then I noticed Benson wasn’t just tired like normal—like we all were—but exhausted. Haunted. He’d lost weight and was—there was a darkness hovering around him that wasn’t good.

“You’ve been what?” I whispered, searching his eyes. “What, Benson?” I fisted his shirt when he tried to let me go and move away. “What, Benson?”

He swallowed loudly. “Don’t make me say it.” He looked away and let out a shaky breath. “Don’t do to me what your parents did. Please? I didn’t deserve the job when they gave it to me. I was too young and not ready. I get that now. My uncle helped me see that—they did us both a disservice by honoring my dad.”

“That wasn’t your mistake.”

He flinched but let out a slow breath. “Of course you saw it. Of course you did. You see it all.”

I let go of his shirt and rubbed my hand over his chest. “Because I wasn’t here at the eye of the storm. I was an outsider. I had that perspective.” I cleared my throat. “And I cared about you, not just the optics. You weren’t ready. They did it because people were pissed someone so amazing died for just a royalfemalewho wouldn’t even mate for an alliance.”

“No wonder she’s still so haunted by it,” he muttered before meeting my gaze. “I can be the person for this job now. I can. I know I can. I’m learning—Davian is really great and teaching me a lot. I’m ready now. I promise, so don’t fucking handicap me the way your parents did. Don’t hide it all from me and—”

“I can’t,” I whispered and tried to move away.

He shook me, the disappointment in his eyes cutting through me. “I’m not a fucking moron,Mystic Frost.”

Fuck. Just…Fuck.

He chuffed but then looked to his left before rolling us off the ledge we were on to get lower and hidden.

“Why ask me what’s going on if you knew?” I hissed, shoving at his chest even if it didn’t move him since I wasn’t willing to hurt him. “This is—you still treat me like a kid you’re catching doing something wrong. I’m not a kid and—”

“No, you’re not,” he agreed but then blew out a long breath and lost some of his upset. “It wasn’t me treating you like a kid. You haven’t been a kid in a long fucking time, okay?Okay?”

It was about trust. He wanted to see if I’d trust him.

“You don’t let me in either,” I defended weakly.

“That’s fair,” he accepted after a few moments. “We need to like start over in our new roles, but that’s so dismissive of our history and makes me ill almost. I don’t know the answer.” He lifted his head and met my eyes, worry and more in them. “But I am on your side, Sagan. Always. Please?Pleaselet me help you. If your mystic dragon needs attention or…”

He’d trailed off because I was trying not to laugh.

And failing.

“You think I’m doing this for thrill seeking?” I managed to get out before plugging my nose so I didn’t burst out laughing. I held my breath and got myself under control, ignoring that he’d moved away and was sitting on his butt with a frown. “Okay, well, you get points for following me or however you figured it out and—”

“I got some damn sleep,” he drawled, nodding when I raised an eyebrow at that. “I wasn’tsleepingafter the coup, Sagan. It was clear there were guards working for the elders and not on your side and I was fucking terrified. Every second of every day. Everymillisecond.”