Page 2 of Retrograde

I let out a slow breath. “You know I can take on any threat.”

“Don’t be dismissive,” he snapped. “Even you have limits. If all the guards and elders came for you while you were drugged again or something…”

“I get it,” I sighed, even if I knew I could still handle that.

There wouldn’t be a castle left and a lot of other problems later, but… I’d be fine.

Not so much the elders and guards, but I was okay with that.

Really okay with that, especially after how much more we knew.

He scrubbed his hand over his head and I tried to ignore how his muscles flexed and moved or the way his short hair stood up all over, showing he’d recently showered and hadn’t fixed it. I didn’t notice any of that or get distracted at all.

Nope.

His nostrils flared and he locked in on my lips for a moment. I swear he did just for a moment. “I got some sleep and I felt like a fucking idiot that I didn’t recognize you with Myriam that night. Yeah, fine, I saw you practicing once or twice when you were younger, but—of course it was you. And of course it made sense why she laid into me the way she did.”

“I found that shocking too,” I admitted, still touched at the way she’d chewed his ass out that he was out enjoying the summer night market when I didn’t get to. “She also wasn’t wrong.”

The look he gave me made it clear he thought I was being a petty brat. “You just had a coup and dirty guards—all sorts of issues, so the damn food carts weren’t a priority.”

I couldn’t hide my hurt. “And you wonder why I don’t talk to you or think of you as a friend or someone I can trust?” I pushed to stand, not caring who saw me anymore. I wanted away from him more than anything else mattered right then.

Apparently, he didn’t agree, nabbing me around the waist and flipping me over his shoulder in one easy move.

“I will break you,” I threatened.

He snorted. “No, you won’t. I am the one person in the world who never has to fear you. You are incapable of ever hurting me no matter what I do, and that actually makes me the biggest threat to your safety and why I shouldn’t ever be around you.”

I slumped over and let him carry me off. He was right.

On both accounts, and I thought better of him as my head of security that he acknowledged that. That someone finally did.

He brought me to a room I’d never been to before, plopping me on a table and giving me a look to spill. But then he sighed when I looked around curiously.

“Yeah, well, learning the castle wasn’t a priority for me,” I snapped. “I’m not sleeping much either, and Myriam was right that ifyougot a night off to get a break, I deserved it too.”

“Youdid,” he blasted. “You did get the night off! You were there and—” he loudly blew a harsh breath between his lips and paced around before stopping back in front of me. “Why did you laugh?” He adjusted his neck when I didn’t answer. “Fine, I’ll go first. Yes, I figured out it was you and thought it was just you blowing off some overdue steam.

“Of course you deserve a fucking break. You deserveallthe breaks. Millions of them. More than anyone. Unlimited and always have, Sagan. You didn’t have a childhood and...” Pity filled his eyes as he put together the extra on why Myriam reamed him. He cleared his throat and stepped closer. “That’s why Onyx’s date fell so flat. He’s still confused and—”

“You want to talk boys with me?” I mocked. “After making it clear you don’t want me and—”

His lips were on mine before I even had a chance to think something was happening, much less understand what did happen. He kissed me deeply and almost immediately pushed his tongue in my mouth as he cupped my head and touched my hip. He devoured my mouth like all of me was his.

And had been for a long time.

But then he was gone as fast. I blinked at him as he cursed a few times and turned away.

“It was never a matter of wanting you or not, you idiot,” he whispered as he locked his fingers behind his neck. “It’s that I can’t have you. There’s no world where we could be together.”

“What?” I gasped as I pushed to stand, hating that my body was still locked in that kiss and struggling to catch up.

He turned to face me and looked destroyed. “I wanted—have always wanted you, Sagan. But I live in the real world where the king’s head of security doesn’t date, and certainly doesn’t mate, his daughter—now the queen. Can you even imagine how that would play out? The mess of your life that—”

“That wasn’t your choice to make,” I whispered.

He frowned and looked annoyed which surprised me. “Of course it was my choice. Anyone has the choice to say no if they—”