Page 64 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

The mere thought of him talking to another woman made my chest burn.

Fuck me in the ass, I like him.

I slid my hand under my pillow and pulled out the feather phone. Back home, I’d already be one brownie deep with Jackie and Porsha making a pros and cons list about any and all matters of the heart. I missed them so much. I spoke their names to the feather, hoping against all hope that the aliens’ radio signal could somehow reach back to DC.

Nothing came. I knew it wouldn’t, but knowledge didn’t make the ache any more bearable. The feather lit up, then a screen materialized above it.

“Hey Blair, just checking in, are you doing okay?” said Dory. She was sitting on a gray lounge chair with rows of books behind her. The green-haired girl I saw earlier passed behind her carrying a stack of manga piled high in her arms.

“Hey girl,” I smiled back. “I’ve been better. Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course—wait, where are you? Why is it so dark?”

I rolled my eyes. “They keep us in broom closets if we don’t make out at the trials.”

She snort-laughed and covered her face. “What the fuck?”

“Yeah, it’s some bullshit. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about your aliens.”

Dory set an elbow on her knee and rested her chin against it. “Yeah, I’ve been getting that a lot the past few days. Shoot.”

“Do they treat you well?”

“Exceedingly,” she said instantly. “Way better than any of the men I dated back home.”

“How did you get over the alien scent-marking thing?”

She cocked her head. “What alien scent-marking thing?”

“You know, the nice smelling smoke that comes out of their tail that coats your hair and skin.”

Dory blinked rapidly. “…do I smell like alien?”

“Yeah,” called a voice from the background.

The wildlife biologist whipped her head around to the voice. “Are you serious?!”

The voice’s response was a deep cackle. I stifled a laugh of my own and asked, “How did you not notice the smoke thing?”

She fussed with her wild red curls. “I mean, I knew they smelled nice, I didn’t think it was rubbing off on me. Literally!”

A woman with green box braids came over and wrapped her arms around Dory’s shoulders, resting her cheek on top of her head. “Shh. Don’t fuss. You smell good. It’s just…you know”—she shrugged—“noticeable.”

Dory rested her hand on the woman’s arm. “It’s just one thing after another on this damn planet.”

“Hmm, such is life.” With a shoulder squeeze for Dory and a wave to me, the woman sauntered off.

Poor Dory still looked to be dealing with the new revelation of her alien perfume, but sadly, I had questions. “Another question for you, there’s no…weird alien stuff they expect you to do?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Depends on what you would consider weird alien stuff, I guess. Their tails have suction cups, if you haven’t discovered that already. Just point to your clit, and Osid will take care of the rest.”

Boy did he.

“I never said I was calling you about Osid.”

Dory shrugged. “Who else would you be asking about?”

“They could have dropped another alien in here.”