Page 65 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

“And did they?”

“…No.”

“All right, then.”

“So…you’re probably the best person I could ask about this since you’ve met him and all.”

“The psycho king who kidnapped us, tried to kill my man, and poisoned me? Yes, we’ve met.”

“Right…yeah, never mind, I was just having a weak-bitch moment.”

“No, you weren’t,” Dory said, waving me off. “Look, you wouldn’t be twisted up like this if you didn’t want to see where this goes. What are you waiting for?”

“I can’t believe you’re even asking me that. You said it yourself, the man is a psycho. Is it really a good idea to even consider giving things a try with him?”

She shrugged. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, the guy scares me, but so do you.”

“Hey, I’m not—”

Dory tucked her hair behind her ear, showing off the white scar just above her temple.

I shut my mouth.

“Look, Blair, here’s the reality of the situation: you’re on an alien planet with dinosaurs. My best friend is a talking lion. Normal rules and dating practices don’t matter. You can do whatever you want. If it doesn’t work out, just break up.”

I heard a door creak open before angry shouts filled the air. Dory turned toward the source as a woman called to her. “Hey Dory, Misty’s alien broke in again, you better come quick before Marcy hogties him.”

Dory’s head fell to her hand. “He’s like a dog with a bone. Sorry, Blair, I gotta go.” With a quick tap, the screen cut out, and I was left alone with the silence.

“Do whatever I want, huh?”

I wanted him, consequences be damned. Maybe this too would end in more heartbreak and burning piñatas, but dammit, the thrill I got from fighting with him made me want to see just how high that fire could burn. I wanted to kiss and fight with him until I ended up pressed to a wall with his hands dug into my hips as we moved together in violent makeup sex.

The Tamagotchi’s song rang out, and I reached for it to find that it had gone up another notch. Pixel Osid danced happily next to four bars, while little circle and triangle patterns floated upward in the background.

“Fine,” I said to no one in particular. We’ve punished each other enough, and I was tired of fighting what was in front of my face.

Before I could think better of it, I was off the bed and headed for the door. The knob turned with a clunk when I threw it open and walked down the endless halls of the tower. I needed to see him. Needed to tell him I’d wipe the slate clean if he did, and we could start anew. I’d tell him about the auditor so we could dismantle the Biwban fucks who thought they knew what was best for us and figure out if we would make this work on our own terms.

I turned a corner to head toward the med hold. Thankfully, each floor in this tower had the same layout, and it was easy to find what I was looking for on the east side. As I rounded another corner, I stopped short when I heard the high-pitched voice of Dr. Hilt and someone I didn’t recognize. I hadn’t thought anyone would be monitoring Osid this late. When I had gotten a slash to my side in one of the earlier challenges, they had just tossed me in the healing pod and left. I pressed myself to the wall, ears perked up.

“…Affection meter’s finally showing progress,” the doctor said. “Blair is at four bars now.”

“About time,” another said. “Has the director approved the airborne serum yet?”

The doctor clacked her beak. “Yes, but I don’t like it. Two successful pairings is not a large enough sample size to be releasing the serum on the rest of the females. We still have no information on any long-term effects, and neither subject has fallen pregnant yet.”

“Gendula, you worry too much. Subject 4 and her mates have remained affectionate toward each other, and I’m confident she’ll fall pregnant once we finish re-creating chocolate for her. Besides, with the auditor dipping his tentacles all over our records, it’s only a matter of time before he catches where the funds are actually going. If we want any chance of proving our methods work, then we need to produce as many pregnant females as we can before he submits his report.”

“I know that, but I still don’t like it. And if the auditor finds out about—”

“He won’t. Look, you can voice your grievances until you molt from stress, but we need immediate results. But never mind that now, is everything all set for the next two challenges?”

“Yes, the setup for trial five is complete, and challenge six should keep them busy for the entire day. They’ll be separated for most of five as well, so there should be no chance of either being able to come in contact with the auditor when he does his checkup.”

“Good, we may not be able to stop him from inspecting the tower, but if we keep them far enough away, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

I sucked in a breath. This was our chance! If the auditor was inspecting the tower, then all we had to do was get some kind of message to him.