Page 84 of Coming Clean

He wasn’t comingback.

Jeremy crumbled in onhimself, sliding down the door into a puddle on the floor. Herubbed his chest to make sure there wasn’t actually a hole in itwhere Connor had just ripped out his heart.

Tears slipped down hischeeks and he bit down on his hand so Connor wouldn’t hear hissobs. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, pathetically weepingover a man who’d just closed him out as firmly as anyone could.Eventually, he pulled himself to his feet and stumbled out to hiscar. He sat there, behind the wheel, staring into space like azombie for another long while before his hands stopped shakingenough that he could drive home without causing anaccident.

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Connor closed thedoor to his room, forcing himself to be satisfied with the click ofit shutting tightly rather than slamming it like he wanted. He saton the bed and let his head drop into his hands. If he’d had anychance to repair things with Jeremy, he’d sure ruined itnow.

When Jeremy had apologized,Connor had seen the anguish on his face but something in him stillfought against forgiving Jeremy. He’d been stubborn, and he’dbeen…. Fuck, Jeremy had to hate him now.

You don’t know that. Goout there and try.

Jeremy was still there.Connor hadn’t heard him leave but he couldn’t face him, not afterthe way he’d treated him.

Jeremy didn’t protest. Youwould have stopped if he had. He enjoyed it as much as you did.You’re just trying to find an excuse to keep being acoward.

No. There’s nothing to saynow.

Fine, then drag him inhere for some more hot sex. But whatever you do, don’t let him walkaway.

Connor stood but his legsshook as if they didn’t want to hold him up.

The front door slammedshut.

“Fuck, he’s gone.” He saidthe words into the silence, and they seemed to echoback.

He sat back down, his headswimming. The only man he’d ever loved had just walked away. Wouldhe ever work up the nerve to open up to someone again? He doubtedit. He wasn’t even sure he’d survive breaking up with Jeremy. Hischest felt like an elephant was pushing back every time he tried tobreathe.

Jeremy had felt so good asConnor drove into his body, making him beg and whimper. Connorwanted that brand of wild, rough sex again, but he also wantedJeremy’s kisses. He’d been filled with anger, with the need toclaim Jeremy, to show him he belonged to Connor. But he wished toGod he’d taken time to just hold him, to kiss him softly, to letJeremy see that he could still be gentle. Now he wouldn’t haveanother chance.

At some point Connor foundthe strength to get up and lock his door. Then he fell into bed,longing for sleep to overtake him. It didn’t. He tossed and turned,hating himself, hating Jeremy for not trusting him, hating thathe’d ever left the Marines. Why did he think he could make it inthe civilian world? Maybe he was fooling himself and he was just asfucked up as Mario.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Connorjerked awake. Someone was banging on his door. Recon training hadgive him the ability to go from sound asleep to fully awake in lessthan a second. He glanced at the clock. Nine AM? He never sleptthat late. What time had he fallen asleep? He remembered seeing theclock say four o’clock as he lay in bed praying for sleep tocome.

The banging didn’t stop.Whoever was at the door wasn’t going away. Jeremy? A glimmer ofhope warred with a prayer that Connor wouldn’t have to face him. Heyanked on a pair of shorts and went to see who it was.

“Connor, I know you’re inthere,” Sabrina called before he made it across the livingroom.

“I’m coming!” He hadn’treally wanted it to be Jeremy, had he? If not, why did he feel soweighed down with disappointment. The minute he opened the door,Sabrina charged in.

“Why weren’t you answeringyour phone?” she demanded.

He’d turned the ringer offafter Jeremy had called and texted him, and he’d never turned itback on. “I was sleeping.”

“Bullshit, you never sleepthat hard.”

“I didn’t want to talk toanyone.”

She scowled at him and hewaited for her to start in on him about Jeremy, but she surprisedhim by saying, “Why the fuck does my brother think I told you tocall him on my behalf? He said you told him I wanted him to callmore often. And he’s sure I put you up to it.”

Connor rubbed a hand overhis head. This was almost as bad as talking about Jeremy. “I didsay you’d like him to call more often, but I also told him you hadno idea I was calling.”

“Why the fuck did you tellhim that?” Sabrina’s eyes were dark with anger, her cheeks flushed.She looked ready to jump him and, Marine or not, he took a stepback.

“Because I—”