Page 95 of Xavier

“I ruined everything when I left! I shouldn’t have gone. I was stupid, I was so stupid!”

“No, no, honey! You had to leave, we BOTH had to leave! Our lives weren’t meant to be confined to that small town! You were destined for bigger things. My beautiful dancer girl,” he says, desperately, pushing back my hair, holding my face in his hands.

“But it ruined everything! Everything! I should’ve stayed and waited for you to come with me,” I scream, almost hysterical.

He doesn’t say anything and pulls me against him. The sobs wrack through my body so strong I feel like my bones are rattling.

“Shhhh, baby girl, shhhh,” he whispers, trying to calm me.

But I can’t be calmed.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I sob against his chest. Over and over and over.

“It’s okay, we’re here together now. It took a little longer than expected. But I found you.”

I pull away and look at him and I see it. I see what his mother was talking about.

The fear.

The fear that I put there.

That I can’t do anything to take away.

I sniff and wipe my eyes on the back of my hand, trying to control my breath.

“I… I need to go home.” I say, my body suddenly so tired I can barely stand.

“Come on, I’ll take you.” I can’t even argue, I just let him lead me out the front entrance, leaning against him as he gestures to the doorman for a cab.

Closing my eyes, I lean my head on his shoulder, listening to his breath and matching it with my own. At some point, I feel him guide me into a car and slide in next to me. He mumbles something to the driver and we slide into traffic, the momentum rocking me against him, my head against his chest, his hand on my back, soothing me.

“What happened? What triggered this?” he asks and I can barely answer.

“Your mother… said…” I struggle to say.

He sighs, deep. “Ah. I shouldn’t have brought you there. I thought… I thought she’d be happy to meet you. To know I found you.”

“She said… you…”

“Shhh… don’t listen to her. She is just very protective of me. She thinks she understands what happened, but she doesn’t.”

I shuffle back so I can look up at him.

“Xavier… did you… were you really trying to die?” His breath is sharp, surprised; then lips tighten for a moment while he contemplates his response. “Tell me the truth.”

"Malynda, trying to die and not having a reason to live, are two different things." Now it's my turn to gasp. "Wait, listen to me. Yes, I went through a time when I was just going through the motions. And I… didn't want to be here. It hurt, Malynda. It hurt with every breath, to not know where you were, what you were doing, what happened to you. But there finally came a time I just got used to the idea, that I wasn't going to have the same kind of life other men do. I wasn't going to fall in love with another woman, have a family. That part of me was dead. So, I live a life most people don't understand. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have meaning. Because it does. It just doesn't look like what other people expect when they examine their own lives. And hey, Kaine's life was just the same. And look at what he eventually found."

“Do you… do you think fate brought them together?” I ask though I’m not sure I want to know what the answer is. I’m not sure I believe in fate. Mine has done me no favors.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe sometimes, people defy the fate that was meant for them.” He looks down at me, and brushes a hair from my cheek.

“I love you, Xavier. I never stopped loving you.”

“I know.”

“How do you know? After everything I did. After all that time apart.”

“Some things transcend time and space, Malynda.”

I sigh and melt into him. His fate for having me in his life is even worse than mine.