Page 9 of Grace

“I thought you liked Jamie,” I teased her.

We sat on the garden swing.

“Yeah, but my parents are pretty uptight about age differences. Billy Ray is very cute and only fifteen. Have you ever considered what happens when he starts paying more attention to his looks? Footballers do love looking good.”

“And having their egos stroked,” I said, rolling my eyes and grimacing.

“Well…you are dating a football player now. Get used to it,” she shrugged. “And think about the possibilities… If he turns pro and makes it, you get the whole package—luxury cars, fancy clothes, exclusive hotels… And a huge house with staff who do everything for you.

“Jesus, Daisy! Maybe we should take it easy with all this daydreaming. We’re so lame,” I shoulder-bumped her playfully, then laughed. Suddenly, I pushed us off the ground, and Daisy joined in—our backs against the backrest, we went faster and faster, until it felt like the swing might break free at any moment.

Afterward, we lay down in the shade, light-headed and nauseous. My good mood was replaced by lethargic thoughts. I liked Billy, but he had disappeared after our first date. I couldn’t keep my resentment to myself.

And there was something I didn’t tell anyone… the fact that sometimes, when I thought about kissing, I saw Chase’s face instead of Billy’s. Whenever this happened, I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, as if I could banish him from my mind. The harder I fought his presence in my mind, the deeper it took root. I hoped that time would fix it—that time would make me forget him.

“Maybe he disappeared because he’d been expecting more,” Daisy said.

“More?” I asked, furrowing my brows. “I don’t have to change just because I’m dating him. That is… dumb, D.”

“You think so?” she asked, then rolled onto her stomach and started to play with a long blade of grass. “You can’t be serious if you think you’ll spend the next couple of years at home, playing PlayStation with Jamie or sitting on the swing with your parents. Nikky isn’t completely wrong, you know. It’s all just beginning— parties, skipping classes, staying out, having sex…

“Come on, Daisy!” I protested, aghast.

“You do you, but don’t tell me I didn’t warn you,” she said, pouting.

“Billy is cute.”

“Don’t be naïve, Grace. He is acting cute now, but in a year, he’ll be sniffing under skirts, crazed to get some pussy. And he’ll be way too young and impatient to wait.”

“Jesus, Daisy. When did you start being this gross? Do you still have a fever?” I asked her, placing my hand on her brow, but she just laughed at me loudly.

My smile wasn’t genuine, because Daisy’s words had sunk deep. Naked male bodies popped into my head—or, to be precise, one very specific naked chest. Chase Baker’s. And his frighteningly deep eyes, reflecting the darkness of his soul. And his messy hair, constantly falling into his eyes. And those brown freckles on his sleek nose. And the softness of his lips, the hardness of his angular chin, and his rigid, merciless face.

Then I wondered what Billy would look like when he was older. Still, they say that good looks don’t matter if you are empty inside. Would Billy be empty when he grew up? Or would he remain the same person—cute, kind, caring?

And what did Chase have inside him? Besides his organs. Sometimes I felt he could see to the depths of my soul, while all I saw were his walls, shut tight, an outsider locked out.

Chase, again.

I shook my head, irritated, then closed my eyes, like Daisy had. I forced myself to think about Billy. He was only a head taller than me, not two. He had an average, somewhat athletic build, his calves muscular from all the running. He had bright green eyes set off by his black buzz cut, a narrow face with a nose that seemed out of place, thick lips, healthy teeth… And he smelled nice, even though he was a teenager.

Billy would be hot when he grew up. And successful. But I wouldn’t fit into the life he pictured for himself. He would go to huge, crazy parties, where people were constantly high-fiving each other—and girls would trail after him, asking for autographs.

When I pictured him, I saw him with a girl who would laugh at all the lame jokes he made. She would call him Bunny and give him everything he asks for and more. But that girl wouldn’t be me. But… what if fame didn’t poison him? Could he live a normal life with cameras following him everywhere?

I pinched my arm. I was overthinking this again. Maybe it was time to switch my brain off. I put my headphones on.

A week after my conversation with Daisy, Jamie woke me from my sleep.

“Grace! Grace! Wake up,” he said gently, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.

“What is it?” I asked, half-asleep, my voice still rough. I had to blink continuously to keep my eyes open.

Mom and Dad were at their high school reunion. Nikky had taken advantage of the opportunity and disappeared, so only Jamie and I were home.

“You have to help me!” he begged.

“What’s wrong, Jamie?” I asked. He said something, but his reply floated somewhere in the darkness—my eyes had closed on their own. By the time I opened them again, it felt like minutes had passed.