Page 55 of Nothing At All

Surrounded. Sheltered. Cared for.

My eyes prickled, and I squeezed them shut.

His deep sigh ruffled through my hair. Braced on his elbows, he pressed his cheek to mine, a hint of stubble a pleasant roughness on my skin.

Even with my lids tightly closed, tears trickled free, down the sides of my face. On one side, the wetness never reached my ear.

He stiffened, and my eyes flew open. He reared back in a push up, biceps flexed. “Did I hurt you?”

Horror twisted his face.

“What?” I blinked and brushed at the stupid tears that wouldn’t stop. “No. I think it’s stress. Or like stress relief.”

“You’re sure.” On his knees now between my open thighs, he cupped my face, eyes running over me.

My whole body melted, like marshmallow goo. “I’m sure. Come here.”

I pulled him back down and wrapped myself around him. He nuzzled into my neck, a low chuckle buzzing over my ear. “You know you gotta pee so you don’t get a UTI.”

Levered up on both elbows, I scowled. “You really know how to ruin the post-orgasm cuddle.”

“Go.” He shifted to the side and landed a light pop on my hip. “Don’t want you sick and hurting.”

Pursing my lips, I rolled off the bed, aware of his gaze as I strolled into the bathroom. There, I dutifully peed, then pulled out two washcloths. I cleaned up, ran the second cloth under warm water and took it back to the bedroom. He reached for it.

“Uh-uh.” I held it out of his reach and crawled onto the bed. “Let me.”

An arm folded behind his head, he lay back on the pillow, eyes falling closed while I smoothed the cloth over his groin, dampening the dark hair there and cleaning his dick and balls. His thigh muscles tightened, and his dick twitched a couple of times, stirring so he was half-hard.

With a mischievous kiss below his navel, the scent of us together lingering on his skin, I crawled backward off the bed and went to toss the rag in the hamper. On my return, I flung myself into his arms, smiling at his muffled grunt. He wrapped a hard embrace around me, and I pressed my lips over his heart, inhaling my scent on his skin, his scent on mine.

I loved that.

I’d never wanted this with anyone else. I’d wanted condoms, control over the positions, and a shower right after.

My breathing hitched, heart skittering. He was different, the way I felt was different, and that had to be significant.

I need you to think about what you want for the future, Lila. And whether or not you can ever love me.

The words I could trembled on my tongue. I couldn’t say that yet, though. He’d said he loved me, doubled down on the certainty of his feelings, and he was here despite the fogginess of my feelings.

I could insulted his steadiness.

Nestled into him, I soaked in his unshakable warmth, even while a little kernel of cold shame panged deep in my heart. I was taking from him and not giving back.

I slung an arm over his waist and plastered myself to him.

His low huff of amusement brushed over my forehead.

“What’s up with you tonight? You’re like beggarweed.” He kissed my hair. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I feel like where we are isn’t fair to you.” The words hurt coming out, but he deserved my honesty. “Like you’re giving and I’m taking.”

He lifted his head to look at me, his eyes squinted. “I know what I’m doing. I’ve thought through the risks. Wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t handle it, so quit worrying. That’s only gonna create issues.”

I couldn’t argue. If I kept on this line of thinking, I’d worry myself right into breaking us up. And neither of us wanted that.

Wiggling my shoulder into his armpit, I rested my head on his biceps. With a fingertip, I traced the whorls of hair on his chest. “How’d you get so emotionally smart?”