Page 85 of Rich Little Liars

The words stop me cold. ‘You know?’

‘I know there’s more to your story than you’ve shared. I’ve known for a while.’ He shifts a little, wincing at the pain the movement causes, but doesn’t let go of my hand. ‘People don’t run the way you ran without having something to run from.’

‘And you didn’t… you didn’t push? Didn’t try to find out?’

‘It wasn’t my place. You’d tell me when you were ready. Or you wouldn’t, and I’d have to make peace with that.’ His thumb traces small circles on the back of my hand. ‘Everyone has things they’d rather keep buried, Kelly. Parts of themselves they’re not proud of. Choices they wish they’d made differently.’

I remember the night of the fire. About standing frozen while Daniel burned. The relief that flooded through me – relief I’ve never admitted to anyone except Harvey, in that basement, with death closing in around us both.

‘What if the things I’m carrying are unforgivable?’

‘Then I’d say you’re being too hard on yourself.’ Richard’s eyes meet mine, steady and warm. ‘I don’t need to know every detail of your past to know who you are now. I’ve seen how you treat people. How you care, even when you’re trying not to. How you came to the hospital while I was unconscious, even when you were terrified and falling apart.’

‘How do you know about that?’

‘The nurses told me. Said there was a woman who sat in the corridor for hours, asking about me constantly, looking like she hadn’t slept in forever.’ A small smile crosses his face. ‘They said you were quite persistent.’

I laugh through my tears. It’s a wet, ugly sound, but it feels good. ‘I was worried about you.’

‘I was worried about you too. Lying here, not knowing where you were or what was happening. When the police came to take my statement about the attack, they told me about Harvey, the collapse, and you being pulled from the wreckage.’ His voice wavers. ‘They said you’d been unconscious for hours. That they didn’t know if you’d wake up. I couldn’t even get out of bed to find you. Couldn’t do anything except lie here and wait for news.’

‘Richard—’

‘Detective Kirsch came back yesterday. Told me the rest of it. About Harvey being Daniel’s brother, the surveillance and everything he’d been doing to you.’ His jaw tightens. ‘I trusted him. I thought he was one of the good ones. I left you alone with him.’

‘You couldn’t have known.’

‘Neither could you. That’s my point.’ He squeezes my hand. ‘We both got fooled. We both made choices based on incomplete information. That’s not something to feel guilty about – that’s just being human.’

The words hang between us, fragile and precious. Just being human. Like that’s enough.

Like that’s all anyone can ask.

‘I want to tell you everything,’ I say. ‘I want to be honest with you. No more secrets.’

Richard is quiet. His hand stays wrapped around mine, warm and steady, while he considers something I can’t read in his expression.

‘Kelly,’ he says finally. ‘Can I tell you something?’

‘Of course.’

‘I’ve been a doctor for fifteen years. In that time, I’ve learned that people carry all kinds of things: guilt, shame, regret, memories they’d give anything to forget. And I’ve learned that sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is let the past stay in the past.’ He pauses. ‘You don’t owe me your trauma. You don’t owe anyone a full accounting of every mistake you’ve ever made or every dark thought you’ve ever had.’

‘But—’

‘I’m not saying don’t tell me. If you need to share it, if carrying it alone has become too heavy, then I’m here. I’ll listen. I won’t judge.’ His eyes hold mine. ‘But if you’re only telling me because you think you have to, or because you think I won’t love you unless I know every terrible thing you’ve ever done, then stop. Because that’s not how this works.’

‘You don’t know what I’ve done,’ I whisper.

‘I know what you’ve survived. I know what you’ve been through since you came to East Hampton. I know you’re kind and brave and stronger than you give yourself credit for.’ He lifts our joined hands and presses his lips to my knuckles. ‘Whatever else there is – whatever you’re so afraid of – it doesn’t change how I feel about you.’

‘How can you say that when you don’t know what happened?’

‘Because I know you. The you that exists right now, in this room, holding my hand. That’s the person I care about. That’s the person I want to build something with.’ He smiles that warm, crinkled smile that makes everything feel possible. ‘As long as you’re happy, Kelly. As long as you can find a way to be happy. That’s all I need.’

As long as you’re happy.

It comforts me. Gives permission I didn’t know I was seeking.