Page 101 of Beg Me

He stops at the door, turning to me, cupping my face in his palms, and studying my face with an intensity that sends a chill through my body.

“Be safe, okay?” I say, fighting to keep the emotion out of my tone. He doesn’t need my insecurities tossed on him today, too.

His lips meet mine in the sweetest, gentlest kiss. It lingers for a few long seconds before he pulls away, resting his forehead against mine.

“Everything I fear in life, I wind up facing much faster than I expect.” He takes a deep breath. “I lost my dad at eighteen. I became a dad to a pre-teen and had to grow up overnight. My career is shorter than I expected.” He pulls back, looking me in the eyes. “And I have to say goodbye to you.”

Tears roll down my cheeks because this really feels like goodbye. A real goodbye. The final kind.

“I gotta go,” he says. He rests his lips against my forehead before walking out of the house.

Once the door is shut, I choke back a sob. Because sometimes your heart knows things your brain can’t process. Or maybe things your brain refuses to accept.

But in the depths of my soul, I know what just happened.

He said goodbye.

I knew he was going to go, that he wasn’t staying in Sugar Creek, but it wasn’t supposed to end like this. We were going to have a few more weeks together. He would have had time to invite me to go with him.

Is this it? Are we done forever?

I cover my mouth, my knees going weak, and slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the floor in a heap of tears and misery. Gus is broken. Jory is struggling. And I can’t be there to help either of them.

It’s the two of them against the world … without me.

Grabbing my phone out of my pocket, I do what I always do when I need a friend.

Me: Hey. You free? I could really, really use a hug.

The bridge of my nose burns as I wait for her reply. Thankfully, it comes in seconds.

Mira: On my way.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-EIGHT

Jory

“How much longer?” Gus asks, his voice raspy from crying. He’s been pretty calm for the last few hours, and I actually thought he was asleep.

“We’re about halfway there.” I glance over at him. “Are you doing okay? Hungry? Gotta pee?”

He shakes his head.

He’s been quiet and I’ve left him alone. I have no idea if that’s the right thing to do or if this is one of those situations where I should prompt him to talk about it. Share his feelings. Get it all out. All I know is that when I feel like shit and have a lot on my mind, the last thing I want to do is talk about it.

Leaving him alone wins by default.

I glance at the clock, wondering what Markie’s doing. Is she in bed? Is she wearing my Royals shirt like she has the last few nights? Is she reading or going over the bracket for the thousandth time?

My heart splinters as I remember that she doesn’t need to look at the bracket. We won’t be playing.

Internally, I scream. My knuckles turn white around the steering wheel as I grip it like I can strangle it. Fuck this. Fuck all of this.

I run a hand down my face, moving to the left so a car can merge easily onto the highway. I hate this. I hate what’s happened to Ernie and to Deidre and her family. I hate that Gus is in so much pain and dealing with another loss in his life. But I hate that it means I’m letting Markie down, too.

Will she now lump me in the pen with every other man who’s failed her over the years? Am I just another disappointment now?