Page 139 of Love Unspoken

Once Amara and I moved in together, my mother and sister, Hugh, and our friends started to tell me all the ways in which she wasn't right for me, for the family.

Had I finally weakened and given in? But then again, I hadn't. I still couldn't get myself to commit to Kath, the woman I thought I always wanted.

"I thought I loved Kath."

"Do you know what loving someone means?"

I stared at him. "Yeah, Jerome, I do. I love my family. My mother. My grandmother. My sister⁠—"

"You feel responsible for them," he cut in. "And you love them because they're your family—it wouldn't matter who they were, you'd still care for them. But the woman in your life is not predestined like parents or siblings."

"With Amara, everything was easy…except with my family and friends."

"Your so-called friends. Real friends would've respected your woman," Jerome quipped.

"I feel like a fool. Worse, a marionette who has been following instruction without any agency."

Jerome rolled his eyes. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your head out of your ass, son, so you can live your life the way you want to. You can't make anyone happy, only yourself; and the only way to do that is by being true to who you are."

My mother sang a completely different tune than Jerome when I confronted her. According to her, I had duties and responsibilities. I owed the family.

"You are the one who said you didn't love her, not me," she pointed out.

"Mama, I don't like being manipulated," I told her firmly.

"Son, I'm only doing what's best for the family."

"But is it what's best for me?" I asked.

Her eyes sputtered with confusion. According to her, I knew that what was best for the family was best for every individual—no two ways about it. She'd done what she needed to do to protect the Covington name, and she expected the same from Shelby and me.

"Look, Lucas, if you still have feelings for Amara, fine. Marry Kath and…you know…keep seeing Amara. Just not in public and keep it out of the society papers."

I couldn't believe my mother had just told me to start my marriage with a mistress on the side.

"And you think Kath will be okay with that?" I tamped down the anger racing through me.

"She'll pretend not to know. That's what a good wife does."

"Like you did when Dad was stepping out on you?" I demanded, feeling sad for her, pitying her for what she believed life was all about.

She gasped. "How dare you say such things about your father?"

"Mama, everyone knew."

She pursed her lips. "I will not talk about such obscene matters with you. It's abhorrent."

I sighed. "You knew, and you did or said nothing. I don't want that kind of marriage."

"You will marry Kath, and that's that."

"I'm a grown man, Mama; I choose to hear you out, but that doesn't mean I will do as you wish. Kath and I are colleagues and nothing more."

"What are you talking about? You've both been dating for months," she protested.

"No, Mama, we have definitely not been dating."

I walked out of her home before I said words I'd regret and couldn't take back. I was finally seeing the mess I had made out of my life. I had indulged my mother and sister; even Kath—and had let them all hurt Amara, telling her that she'd always come second to my family. And where did my happiness and well-being stand on my list of priorities? I didn't even know anymore. I was so busy being Lucas Covington that I didn't know who the hell Lucas the man was. But one thing I knew for sure—when I was with Amara, I was my most authentic self.