Page 138 of Love Unspoken

"The first step to recognizing a problem is admitting it," he stated condescendingly.

"I don't have a problem."

"Do, too."

We talked into the early morning, and it felt like no time had passed since I last saw him. That was the true test of a good friendship—after months apart, we were still perfectly in sync.

SIXTEEN

LUCAS

I was in a bad mood when I drove to her parent's place to talk to Kath.

Since she broke up with Mercer, Kath had been living with her parents in their mansion, complete with sprawling gardens and towering magnolia trees. Kath had her own wing in the house. The driveway alone was enough to make anyone pause—it was lined with ancient oaks, their gnarled branches casting shadows over the cobblestone path leading to the grand entrance.

The Bellamy estate was even larger than the Covington family home where my mother now lived. After my parents married, Grandma and Grandpa moved into an old family house on The Battery, right on the Ashley River. I had left home when I went to university and, aside from a few nights here and there, had never moved back. The place felt too ostentatious, and I preferred something more muted. Like the townhouse I'd lived in for four months with Amara. That had been perfect…until she left. Now it was grim, mocking me.

I stayed in the car after I parked it, waving away the Bellamy family valet who wanted my key. I wasn't planning on staying long.

After I spoke to Grandma, I spent a good amount of time in self-reflection. I also talked to Jerome.

"Mama knew Amara was there, didn't she?" I asked him point blank. I knew he wouldn't lie to me, regardless of where his loyalties lay.

"Yes."

I felt sick to my stomach.

"You think she goaded me into that conversation because she wanted Amara to overhear us?"

"I have no idea. I couldn't say what is in Mrs. Covington's mind," Jerome replied without emotion.

"But you can guess."

"No matter what your mother did, you are the one who broke that poor girl's heart," Jerome stated in an unaffected voice, "You are the one who said you'll always love Miss Kath and you weren't sure how you felt about the Professor."

"You've known me all my life, Jerome. How do I feel about Amara?"

He smiled then. "I think you're smitten silly with her."

"And Kath?"

Jerome sighed, folding his arms. "You want to hear this?" he warned. When I nodded, he continued, "You and Miss Kath were toxic. When you were kids, it was okay. But there was always so much drama. You were fighting. You were making up. The family was pressuring you two to get married. You weren't ready, you were both too young."

Kath was a year younger than me, and when she turned twenty, Hugh wanted us to get engaged. I wasn't ready. I told him straight off that I wanted to wait. That had led to nonstop drama from my mother, Shelby, Hugh, and even Kath. I felt like history was repeating itself. Kath was available, and once again, everyone wanted us to get married. I was still not ready. And this time, it had nothing to do with age but my heart.

I had been stupid, I realized. Dumb to think that I wanted Kath, that the memory of the love I had for her was the real thing. I had never been in a healthy relationship, never seen one. My parents had a fucked up marriage by all accounts—they were distant and polite, and my father had affairs left, right, and center. I'd made a studious effort to know nothing about my mother's sex life before and after my father passed away.

"I'm not in a relationship with her right now," I informed him unnecessarily.

"Everyone believes you are," Jerome countered.

I knew how it looked as I was at social events with Kath and not Amara, but officially, I was not dating Kath. The only times we'd been out had been with Shelby and Hugh and other friends, never just us. There had been no romantic dinners, no dates. She'd tried, and I'd resisted.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I said more to myself than Jerome.

"Son," Jerome spoke patiently, "You've carried a massive load all your life. You've always laid it all down for your family, giving them everything and anything they wanted or needed. The only time you've not was when you refused to marry Kath and when you, despite Mrs. Covington's protests, stayed with the Professor. You caved under the pressure."

Like wet cardboard!