Page 59 of Experiments in Offline Dating

“What sort of a date?”

“Well. The kind that Jackie set up for me.”

“What? You dark horse, you! You never mentioned that Jackie was helping you, Maya. That’s all very excitin’.”

“Yeah. It’s all part of the podcast, actually. I’m . . . dating my way across Ireland, I guess.” I looked away from Tadhg and smiled wryly at Orla. “It wasn’t the original plan, but Jackie is pretty convincing.”

“Oh, now. I can certainly agree with that. How’s it going so far, then?”

I laughed. “Honestly? A little crazy! All of the men but one have been way too old for me or way too young.”

“Really? Well, that seems odd, doesn’t it, Bill?”

“Guess so,” Bill said around a bite of bacon.

“I don’t see why Jackie would waste your time like that. One or two, maybe, but all of them seems a poor show. I wonder if he’s losing his touch.”

“Well, I can’t complain. I’ve been having a great time, and the dates are going to be great stories for my podcast.”

Orla chewed and narrowed her eyes at Tadhg ever so slightly.

“And you, Tadhg? You’re just . . . driving Maya around, then?”

“I am. You’re not the only one Dad has pulled the wool over.”

Her eyes narrowed a little farther as she studied him. She hummed and nodded but said nothing more on the subject. “So, are you going to visit the cave today, then? It would make a lovely little outing. The weather is fair for it, isn’t it, Bill?”

“Oh, I—”

“Here, have some more eggs.” She shoved them onto Bill’s plate without waiting for an answer. “Lovely day,” she said. “Perfect for it.”

Bill chewed a little more and sipped his tea before answering. “Beautiful,” he said. “Wish I could go meself.”

“I don’t think we have time for that today. It’s a fair drive,” Tadhg said, because he was diametrically opposed to all notions of fun (see fig. 5).

“Oh, sure, it’s on the way,” said Orla. “I’ll get Bill to draw you a little map so you don’t miss the path. Besides, I’ve already baked that cake I promised you. In fact, you should be getting in around lunchtime. Why don’t I pack you a couple of sandwiches as well?”

Tadhg started shaking his head before she even finished. “There’s no need, Orla. Thanks.”

And I made sure to say at exactly the same time, “We’d love that, Orla. Thank you so much!”

AN HOUR’S DRIVE, as it turned out, was plenty of time for an argument.

“So, just to be clear, what you want us to do is go searching around the shore for a sea cave using a map drawn on a napkin, then venture into that cave to . . . have a picnic?”

“With cake,” I added helpfully.

“So that you can take photos for social media.”

“Yeah. That’s basically it. Thanks for taking the time to recap for us.”

“The cave that we were told about specifically because people get trapped in it.”

“Also correct.”

“Was it not enough for you to nearly die on the Cliffs of Moher that now you want to witlessly fling yourself into a whole new set of dangers not twenty-four hours later?”

“For such a large man, you’re quite the old nanny, aren’t you?”