Page 58 of Experiments in Offline Dating

Orla: Hmm. My advice would be to never let your pride get in the way of giving someone you love a second chance. If it hadn’t been for that rising tide, I don’t know what might have become of me, but one thing is for sure, I would have missed out on the love of my life.

Bill: And my advice is, if you marry a redhead, you should always have some chocolate on hand. It’s the only thing that can calm her temper down when you’ve said somethin’ stupid.

Orla: That explains why my hips grow an inch every year.

Bill: All the better to hold on to.

Orla: Hush, now, you old hound dog! What will the Americans think?

Chapter 13 An Experiment in Misunderstandings with Sausages

Orla and Bill had a beautiful spread for breakfast when I made my way to the kitchen the next morning. Tadhg was fully dressed and morning-ready to an aggressive degree. When I arrived looking rumpled, he made a face that very clearly communicated he’d been up for several hours and my haphazard attempt at waking before noon was found wanting.

“Maya, oh, there you are. Good morning, dear.” Orla gave me a quick hug that I didn’t mind. “Did you sleep well enough up there? Wasn’t too drafty for you, I hope.”

“It was perfect! Those feather pillows are amazing. I feel like I slept for a hundred years.”

“You nearly did,” Tadhg said. Because why wouldn’t he? I guessed we were starting our morning with an asshole tournament.

“These two burly men have been out fixing the stone wall, so let’s get them fed and watered.”

Of course he was. Does he ever just watch TV or something? “What can I help with?”

“Oh, throw those sausages on a plate for me, would ye, love? And boil the kettle. I’ve got the cups here. Do you eat meat, Maya? I hope so.”

“I eat everything. This all looks delicious! You should have woken me, I would have been happy to help cook.”

“Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t dream of it.”

I walked over to put the stuff on the table. Obligatory eye roll from Tadhg just for me. “Bit late for that.”

“Sorry we can’t all move mountains before sunrise, asshat,” I said just for him.

“Just moving your arse would be a start.”

“Oh, is that what’s been on your mind all morning? My ass?”

His eyes flashed, but luckily, he didn’t have time for another jab before Orla’s voice broke in.

“Slip her a sausage, Tadhg. She’s gagging for it.”

He choked on his tea. “What?” he nearly shouted.

“Poor thing’s been staring at you with those doe eyes, getting ignored. Give her a sausage.” Tadhg blinked at Orla and then followed her gaze down to Finn.

“Oh, right. Finn. Of course. Yeah.” Tadhg ruffled Finn’s ears and selected a sausage from the plate. “You want this, baby? You’ve got to work for it. You know the drill. Come on, now, behave. Sit. Good girl. Beg. Lay down. Roll over.”

Exactly how wrong is it that I’m finding this erotic? Like on a scale from one to ten?

“So, where are you two young ones off to today, then?” Orla and Bill brought more bowls and dishes of food over to the table as they sat down and settled in next to us.

“I don’t really know. I loved your idea about the cave! But Tadhg gets plans from Jackie, and he never tells me anything.” I tattled on him and raised my eyebrows in a challenge.

“You have his number. Call him yourself.” He turned to Orla and said, “Oh, we’re headed to Killarney. Maya here has a big date tonight.” He raised his eyebrows too, and cocked his head to the side with the ghost of a smile. Damn!

Orla’s fork clattered on her plate. “A date?”

“I guess I do.” I shot eye daggers across the table.