Page 38 of Dark Holiday

I guess the only surprise that night is that I actually believed that Daniel cared for me, wanted me, but truly, why would he have wanted an awkward teen that knew nothing past the sheltered life she was raised in? Daniel was so worldly, so knowledgeable, but maybe that was all an act too, something to draw me to his side.

He was no better than the other bullies - making fun of my clothes, hiding my stuff, but then something changed. Something shifted. I felt it. He felt it. Maybe it was all too much for him, and that’s why he bailed. If he just told me the truth, told me he didn’t actually want me…. I promised to wait for him...I promised him everything.

Shaking my head, I dispel those agonizing memories. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to look back on them with a slight pang in my heart instead of a gut punch, but tonight is not that night. I force my brain back to why I’m here and the liberation of finally experiencing the life I was always promised.

Tonight is the winter formal I should have had. Standing, I twirl about in the silver dress, so close to the one I wore that night that it makes my jaw ache from how hard I’m clenching my teeth. Another glance in the mirror shows me that not much has changed. I’m taller, curvier, and sport an odd wrinkle or two, but inside, I’m still that lost little girl waiting for her grumpy knight in tarnished armor to come whisk her away.

Tears slide down my cheeks, but this time, I let them. I need to purge it all. That’s what this weekend is about. There’s no way for me to screw this up. I just have to obey the dominant I get paired with. As long as I can say, “Yes, Sir,” then I’m good. Two little words. So easy to say but so hard to live up to.

There’s no Daniel looking over my shoulder, criticizing me for doing wrong. There’s no Daniel whispering maddening things in my ear while berating me in the same breath. I’m going to find Mr. Grumpy Claus and show him just how good of a submissive I can be. Maybe he’ll want me, maybe he won’t. Either way, it’s all on my terms.

Brittany bustles in, her grin stretching ear to ear. Hurrying over, she sits down next to me and grabs my hands in hers, just like in those Jane Austen movies we like to watch. The image alone sends a bubble of laughter catching in my throat, but I don’t let it escape.

“So,” she starts out, her body nearly vibrating as she shuffles in the seat. “Ryan is going to be the monitor tonight. He’s working something out with your Mr. Grumpy Claus right now!”

At her words, the wound in my heart threatens to open again, just a touch. “He’s not my anything. He’s just a guy that I can hate fuck and get Daniel out of my system.”

Brittany leans closer, giving me a conspiratorial wink. “Yes. And I expect you to ride that man like -.”

“Yes. Yes. I’m going to pretend he’s my bronco and see how long I can stay on.” Giggling for half a moment, I pull away and stare at one of the decorated walls as nausea and unease churn my gut.

Am I really willing to give myself to a stranger? I want to hurt Daniel, make him feel the same agony as I do, but how the hell would this actually hurt him? It’s not like I’m going to tell him about my exploits. God, just the thought alone is mortifying enough to make me reconsider even going through with this.

“Ryan will make sure I’m okay, right?” I interject, the real fear of being hurt crashing into me. I’m so new at everything that I'm worried I won’t even know if something bad will happen before it does.

“Cindy, sweetie, Ryan wouldn’t let you go into something like this if he didn’t know the guy and wasn’t there keeping an eye on things. Just relax and let yourself go. I promise you, tonight is going to be a night you won’t forget.”

She pulls out my list of likes, limits, and triggers and hands it to me. “Just look this over one more time. Are you sure this is what you want? This is what both Ryan and Grumpy Claus will go off of. If you want to make any changes, that’s fine.”

I push her hand back as steel starts to slide up my spine. If Daniel hadn’t been such an ass, I wouldn’t even be here. In a way, it’s all his fault. For once, I’m going to go after what I want and not give a damn about the consequences. Besides, if Ryan’s there, he won’t let me get hurt too badly, physically anyway. It’s my heart that I’m most worried about.

CHAPTER 21

Daniel

The banquet hall is bustling, crowded - too crowded. My dark green Armani suit and matching furry mask are just perfect for my persona but horrible in all this heat. It’s practically stifling. Walking into the room when it was just Ryan and I, it wasn’t too bad, but now that everyone is here spilling out cheers and good tidings, it’s almost too much.

That’s the one bad thing about having a kinky retreat so close to Christmas; you get surrounded by people who actually love this fucking holiday. I don’t blame them. Most of them probably don’t have the memory of seeing the person they most desired being reamed by a Judas of a best friend.

Grabbing the glass in front of me, I down the punch, irritation rankling me as it slides down my throat. I know it’s a dry bar this whole weekend, just to make sure no one gets out of hand, but come on. I’m not a fucking kid anymore. I’m a grown man that can more than handle my alcohol. Couldn’t they have at least opted for no more than two drinks? At least that way, I could have a momentary reprieve from the merriment happening around me.

God. I’d even take eggnog. Isn’t that a festive drink for this time of year? Glancing over at the corner near the tree, I spot someone’s dog, a floppy-eared mutt, sitting by itself. I grab a cup of water and make my way over. The way its tail starts flailing about as I get near warms my heart just a touch.

“A lot of people in here huh,” I pause, pulling up the dog tag. “Maximillian. Good strong name. Maybe one day you’ll grow into it.”

“He already has. Max is about four years old.” Another guy sits near me, motioning for the dog to come to him. With an obedience unexpected of a mutt, he trots right over and sits next to his master’s feet.

Again, that cold, hard fist of resentment starts to squeeze around what’s left of my heart. How many times did I want to do that with Cindy? Maybe not make her into a dog, but have her crawl to me at my beckoning call? The one time she crawled for me, it was like heaven. I got a taste, a glimpse of the ambrosia that was her submission, but then she took it away.

Clearing my throat, I get up from the floor and sink into a worn chair. “Looking forward to tonight?”

The man dressed in a jolly red suit with a gut to match throws his head back and laughs. “Oh yes. The Missus and I have been counting down the days to this retreat.” He motions over to a matching Mrs. Claus, her dark hair peppered with natural grey strands. “She may act all prim and proper, but once that anal hook goes in, she becomes the greedy, begging slut that I know is deep down inside.”

“Damn it. You know, that’s the one thing I didn’t pack. I’m going to see if they have one for sale.” I get up from my chair, more so to get away from the tender scene than to actually buy yet one more piece of equipment I don’t need. Then again, If I’m going to kidnap someone, what better way to get compliance than an anal hook? There’s no way Ms. Hoo will get away from me tonight.

As I leave the festivities, I freeze as a ghost of winters past catches my eye. It can’t be. I blink and look again as the vision in silver dances in and out of view. So close to that dress Cindy wore all those years ago. Too close. Shaking my head, I look again with fresh eyes. I note the differences, sighing as the memory morphs into the current vision. Not the same.

I flee the scene, not caring if I get dirty or ugly looks. I need to get away and see a man about an anal hook. The walls are practically dripping with Christmas frivolity as I make my way to the small shop, and I sneer at the scene, batting away the few ornaments that dare come too close as I walk by.