Page 55 of The Starling and the Hatter

Elise

I sang all the next day, both to earn money and to avoid all the uncomfortable interactions with the Hatchers. Maybe I shouldn’t have told them yesterday. Perhaps I should have waited until today so there would be less time for me to second-guess myself.

When it was time to head back home, I was surprised to find Hatcher waiting for me. He nodded toward the tent. “I’ll wait for you to change, then we can head back to the house.”

“Aren’t you staying here to look after the tent?” I asked. He and Marshall usually took turns staying and going back to the house. Marshall had stayed last night, so I’d been counting on Hatcher staying with the tent tonight so I could avoid the conversation that I felt looming.

He shook his head. “I wanted to be able to see you off in the morning.”

I couldn’t very well argue with such a kind sentiment. We were great friends, after all. “I’ll be only a few moments,” I said, turning toward the tent.

I made sure not to rush through changing. I couldn’t afford to get tangled in my costume.

When I finished and we set out, I was surprised by Hatcher’s silence. I had expected him to talk all the way home, but instead he waited until the house was nearly in sight before he caught my arm and brought us to a halt.

“What is it?” I asked, concerned by the tortured look in his eyes.

“Don’t go” was all he said, but those two words were enough to tug at my heart.

I sighed, knowing that this was going to be just as hard as I’d feared. How could I make him understand that I was doing this as much for him as for me? “I’ve already made up my mind, Hatch. This wasn’t a hasty decision.”

“What do you think you’ll find there?” he asked.

I cast my eyes about, hoping to find a way to explain, but strangely, all that came to mind was my mother’s story. Perhaps that would have to be enough. “My mother used to tell me a story, about the mother of wolves. Have I ever told you?”

He shook his head.

I smiled as I remembered my mother lying beside me in our wagon, telling me stories. “It’s about finding your wild self.”

He pulled his chin in. “Your wild self? You want to be wild?”

I chuckled, but it was hollow. “No. Not in that way. The wildness isn’t about being crazy or irresponsible. It’s about bravery and freedom, and making your own choices.”

“You’re looking for freedom?” he asked, and I could see the offense in his eyes. “Have we put a cage around you?”

“No,” I assured him. “I’m worried that I’ve put a cage around you.”

“Me?”

I nodded. “I know you feel like you have to take care of me—”

“That’s not—”

“You have since the first day we met. You looked after me when I was singing at night. You found a way to give me coins so I wouldn’t starve. It’s what you do.”

He stepped closer and took my hands in his. “What if that’s what I want to do?” he asked quietly. “What if I can’t think of anything I would rather be doing than taking care of you?”

I smiled at his sweetness. “And that is why you have been my very best friend. I know you’ve never begrudged anything you gave me, and I just can’t stomach the idea that someday you will.” My voice shook a little, hating even the thought that he would come to resent me. “You’ll look back and see what you missed because you were so busy taking care of me.”

He closed his eyes, looking frustrated. “That’s not what this is. I meant that what you and I have…” He trailed off, struggling for words. “It’s…” he tried again but was unable to get any more out.

“I know,” I said, trying to reassure him. “And I don’t want to lose it either. But someone much smarter than I am pointed out that I’m probably getting in your way.” I swallowed, still hating the idea that I was holding Hatcher back.

“You’re not,” he insisted.

I pulled one of my hands from his so that I could touch his cheek. “Thank you for believing that. But I hope you can understand that I have to go, for more reasons than I can explain.”

He looked away, clearly frustrated, and he blinked hard for several moments before turning back. “I’m not going to put you in a cage by asking you to stay again.”