Page 92 of Found in Wild Sage

Emotion kicks in my chest. This is why I came home. I wanted to be here, with these people. And now, I’ve been given even more than I ever could’ve imagined in Evie and Charlie.

I lean over and drop a kiss to Charlie’s head. He giggles and grins at me, a squish of mashed potatoes eking out the side of his smile.

“Who’s this?” Finn asks Charlie, pointing to Sam.

“It’s Sam. My friend Sam!”

Everyone beams at this little genius. Sam sounds more like “tham” and friend like “fwend” and in his tiny voice, it’s unbearably cute.

“And that?” Finn points to Evie.

“Mama!” Charlie grabs Evie’s hand and pats it.

“And that?” Finn asks, pointing at me.

Charlie’s head swings to me. “Dec!” He grins wide, then reaches for me. I give him my hand and he hugs it to the side of his face.

It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever experienced and my heart is swelling in my chest, but then he tilts his head and asks, “My Dada?”

I wouldn’t be surprised if the earth has ground to a stop. My mouth drops open, but I look to Evie, who’s inevitably swiping at her eye. She grins and nods.

I lean down so I’m eye level with this precious boy and I tell him the truth. “Yeah, buddy. I’m your dada.”

Charlie beams, legs kicking, and then mutters “dada” to himself before shoving a spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth.

Meanwhile, more than one resident of the table is sniffling. I look up through admittedly blurry eyes to see everyone, from Finn all around to May, blinking or wiping away tears. Even Gus, who hardly knows me anymore and certainly doesn’t know Evie or Charlie, clears his throat.

“Well, that’s in the top ten,” May says, chuckling and leaning into Eirinn, who puts an arm around her.

“Easily,” Finn says. “Sorry, I need a minute.” He gives the table a broad smile, but it’s brittle at the edges. He slips away toward the hallway that leads to the bathroom.

“Okay, but we’ve got to talk about something else or I’m going to end up a puddle.” Evie’s dabbing at her eyes.

My mom launches into a story about having lunch with her friend and everyone allows for the subject change. She’s loved having someone to get to know who seems to have the same amount of free time she does. Kathy comes for lunch and seems to enjoy hearing all about the family since she doesn’t have much of her own.

Honestly, I’ve tuned her out a bit. I reach around Charlie’s chair to set a hand on Evie’s shoulder.

The soft look she gives me is like coming home. But better.

I came home to be with my family, but I haven’t felt settled. It’s like I’ve been waiting for something, and there’s no way I could’ve known what.

There’s no way I could’ve anticipated that what I was missing was this woman and this little boy. I was missing my family. I just didn’t realize who, exactly, that meant.

I’ve never been so grateful I came home when I did. Of course, I came because I wanted to be closer to Ma and Da, especially in the wake of his heart attack. I’m grateful I felt the need to focus on family medicine so I ended up working here in town right next to Evie at the clinic instead of commuting to Silverton Hospital.

And Evie’s words hit me anew. Gratitude doesn’t equal obligation. I comprehend this now more than ever before as I feel gratitude crowd in from every possible source and direction.

It doesn’t make me feel obligated to her, or my parents, or anyone else. Instead, it sets off a joyful, boundless desire in me to express and celebrate it.

The family is chatting about mom’s new friend, then about Gus, but only for a moment before he changes the subject. He has never liked the attention on himself. Eirinn reiterates the reason Davis isn’t there, and then we shift to listening to Grant talk about the girls’ soccer schedule. This ignites Finn’s excitement for the adult soccer league that already started. I opted out of this season with everything going on.

An hour later, Evie and I set off towards our home. My heart is full, but I’ve realized one glaring issue. We haven’t been clear about our plans going forward. I think we’re on the same page, but we haven’t said the words. But Charlie has. And it feels like her nod, her permission, means she and I are thinking the same.

So it’s time to speak up and tell her.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Evie