Page 93 of Found in Wild Sage

Ikiss Charlie’s forehead and nestle him into the crib. He usually goes to bed awake, but tonight, he’s already out.

Shutting his door gently, I tiptoe across the hallway and close the door to the main bedroom. I brushed my teeth and washed off my makeup while Dec changed Charlie, so all I need is pajamas and I’ll be ready to relax. I could use a minute to sort through my thoughts, but what I want more than anything is to fall into bed with Declan and not come up until morning.

We slept next to each other in this bed last night. It was the perfect end to a day that had ballooned into something unwieldy and foreboding. It’s hard to believe Dec and I married with that in mind—with that one day that would decide so much.

The relief of what came after—our connection, celebration, and yes, our sliding into bed to sleep side by side—settled my heart even more than the judge’s ruling already had.

But there’s more to discuss. We were so wrapped up in relief and then celebrating with each other, we didn’t hash through what comes next.

Charlie called Dec Dada and I think my heart might’ve exploded. It would’ve been scary, having my little boy say that to someone, but it simply felt right with Declan. And his face… I’ll never forget it.

“Did he go down okay?” Dec emerges from the bathroom wearing only a pair of thin gray pajama pants.

My pulse jumps. “Yes. He was out before I even got him into the crib.” My eyes revel in the art of him.

His shoulders are rounded and pure muscle. His arms and chest are cut with the artistic curves of a man who is lean and strong. Frankly, he is stunning.

But the best part about him isn’t his beautiful body or handsome face. It is that heart beating underneath it all, driving him to be the incredible man he is.

He comes right to me. “Ready for bed?”

His voice must’ve dropped an octave or two, and the way his fingers find the bare skin of my hip by slipping deftly into the waist of my jeans sends heat pooling low in my belly.

“Just need a minute or two. But…”

He’s behind me, sliding my hair to the side and pressing kisses into my neck.

“But?”

Hands roaming, caressing, my mind can hardly remember what I wanted to say. I’m fairly certain it isn’t, “Take me now, husband!” but it might as well be.

Apparently, I lose the thread entirely as he continues his assault on my reason. It’s not long before we do stumble into bed, and it’s only after we’ve rather brilliantly exercised our vows that I remember the very important things I wanted to discuss.

Lying next to him in our bed, I don’t want to feel shy about anything. But the truth is, we’re here because of yesterday. And now that the reason we got married is technically non-existent, I need clarity.

“What’s going on in that beautiful head, love?” He brushes a fall of hair away from my face.

“We have some things to discuss and I’m working out the best way to approach them.”

He leans up on an elbow and dips his head to kiss me. Then he kisses me again, slow and lingering, like he wants to make sure he did it thoroughly enough before he moves on.

“You can say whatever you want whenever you want. You know that, right? I realize we promised honesty and then didn’t actually do a great job of offering up thoughts, so would it be okay if I go first?”

This is a conversation I need to be sitting up for. I tuck the sheet around me and nod at him. Before he speaks, he takes my hand and slides our fingers together.

“We married for Charlie. For the hearing.”

My heart sinks, and old familiar anxiety reaching for me. Somehow in the bliss of the last twenty-four hours, I’ve fooled myself into believing maybe he wants what I do. And now…

But no, I’m not going to jump ahead. I’m going to stick this out, because this is the hard communication of a real relationship. Trevor and I never had anything like this. He’d get mad and storm off, or be so sullen we couldn’t ever talk. Or he’d just hurt me to make his point, and I certainly didn’t ever share my opinion after that.

That’s not what’s happening here. So with a promise to myself to stay calm, I respond. “We did.”

“And that’s behind us.”

I swallow hard. “It is.”

There’s a beat where I can almost hear my heart getting ready to crack, but I breathe through it.